Time is all it Takes
by Cem214
Summary: AU but with spoilers for season 4. Martin left but three years later he returns. What happens now he's back? ON HOLD TIL FURTHER NOTICE
1. Prologue

A/N: This is my first fan fic attempt so sorry if it's not very good. Please read and review.

Rating M

Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Summery: AU but with spoilers for season 4. Martin left. Three years later he returns. What will happen now he's back? Better than it sounds MS

**Prologue**

"You're leaving?" She said in complete disbelief.

"Yes. I have to I can't be here, do this job and recover."

_He didn't just say that did he? He's not just going to walk away?_

"It's too much. I know that everyone cares and is just trying to help but I just can't do it this way." He continued sombrely, looking at the ground.

_I can't believe this is happening_

"I need to take care of this myself, by myself" He continued to look at the ground, unable to bring himself to look at her. It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

"So that's it? You're just going to walk away?" Her voice cracked, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She would not allow them to fall. Not yet.

"I have too" His voice quite, barely above a whisper. "I don't want…I just have to." He was so tired both physically and mentally from everything he'd been through lately and with the decision he'd made. The tiredness clear in his voice.

"Don't want what, Martin? What were you going to say?" Her voice raising in volume with anger she suddenly felt coursing through her. _He can't just walk away! I want an explanation dammit! I at least deserve that don't I?_

"Please, Sam. Please don't be mad. I don't know how to explain this to you so that you understand. Please don't make this harder for me." He begged her, his voice pleading, looking at her as he finished, for the first time since he walked through her door that evening.

"_Harder for you?_ You're the one who's made the decision! You're the one who wants to run away! I'm just supposed to be OK with this? Wish you well on your way?" She was angry. Her unshed tears now freely flowing down her cheeks. She didn't try to hide them or stop them. She was too angry to care right now.

"I'm leaving town in the morning. I don't want anyone to look for me or follow me. Please don't look for me." There, he'd said what he'd come to say. He started for the door.

"That's it? You're done?" Disbelief once more in her voice, her anger fading. _He can't just leave like this._

She started towards him, placing her hand on the door before he could open it.

"Don't go. Stay. Please Martin."

"What do you care, Sam?"

"I care. More than you know."

Their eyes met. They both suddenly realised just how close they were. Stood at an angle to each other shoulders nearly touching.

Without breaking eye contact, Sam moved so that she was stood between Martin and the door.

"Stay" she repeated.

Suddenly they both leaned in to meet the other in a fierce kiss quickly becoming very heated. Tongues duelling, hands wrapped in the others hair, all thoughts of leaving quickly left Martins head.

They moved back in to the room towards the bedroom, ripping clothing off as they went, only coming up for air when necessary.

Soon they were stood naked in her room both very hot and ready.

Martin pinned Sam against the wall eliciting a moan from her. He held her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He steadied himself against the wall with one hand, whilst the other played with her breast and his mouth worked on the other, bringing her nipples up hard. Sam gasped and dug her nails hard enough in to his back to leave marks.

"Martin, need you…inside…now" She gasped her breathing hitching, revelling in the sensations running through her. The sensations Martin was causing.

He let her down, his breathing also coming in gasps, and turned her towards the bed.

They moved together setting a quick pace, both desperate for the contact, hands and lips everywhere, rediscovering each other.

It had been so long and he had missed her so much. He knew he couldn't hold out much longer but didn't want to come without her. He reached a hand down between them and began flicking her clit furiously be bring her to climax that much quicker.

Sam cried out at the extra contact and both were so close to that edge.

Three more hard strokes and she climaxed screaming his name sending him over the edge with her.

As they came down from the high, breathing hard, Martin rolled off her on to his back pulling her with him so she was lying curled in to his side, arm across his chest, legs entwined.

Like this Sam quickly felt sleep overcome her. For Martin however, sleep was the last thing on his mind.

He watched Sam as she slept. Once he was sure she was asleep, he carefully disentangled himself as not to wake her. As quietly and quickly as possible, he gathered his clothes and dressed.

Once dressed he crept back in to Sam's room and gently sat on the edge of the bed facing her.

He brushed a lock of her hair back from her face and behind her ear before leaning down and placing a quick, soft kiss on her temple.

"I'm sorry Sam. Goodbye." He whispered before he got up and walked out closing the door quietly behind him


	2. Chapter 1

A/N This chapter is set three years after the prologue.

**Chapter 1**

"That's it! I quit! I can't work with you people! Clearly you want someone who's not me so I'm done!" With that the woman in question grabbed her belongings and left. She'd only joined the team 5 days ago.

"Alright pay up Ladies! And Gent, you owe me. I win again!" Danny Taylor smirked.

"Damn not again!" Sam exclaimed as she handed over the money.

"No kidding! That happens once more and he will be unbearable!"

"You mean he's not already?"

"Point taken. OK he'll be even worse if he wins again!" Elena laughed

The team, which consisted of Danny, Sam Spade, Elena Delgado, Vivian Johnson and Rick O'Hara, had all taken bets on how long the new team member would last. They'd done the same thing on every newbie who'd tried out with them; there'd been 6 of them in the last three months and no one had lasted longer than 6 days.

"You can joke guys but now I have to find a replacement again!" Vivian complained good naturedly

"I don't know why you bother Viv, you know they aint gonna last" Rick himself had been with the team for two and a half years and fitted in well from the start.

"Pessimist" Sam said grinning with a playful slap to Rick's arm.

"Well look at the record! We've been looking for a new team member who fits in with us for eighteen months and so far, no luck. No ones even come close."

"The man has a point." Danny admitted "Can't we just give up the search and leave the team as just us?" he asked Vivian with a slight frown.

"Because the Big Boys upstairs say so." Vivian replied.

The four younger agents all rolled their eyes.

Three weeks later

"Girls night tonight?" Sam asked as she walked in drinking her coffee and trying to wake up. "I feel the need for too much sugar and so does Em"

"Uhh yeh sounds good to me" Elena replied with a smile starting on the paper work from the previous day.

"I'm in, Marcus can watch Reggie tonight." Vivian said "And Danny your welcome to crash at mine."

"I'm getting kicked out of my own home for a girls night again!" Danny said in mock outrage. "There's a shock!"

Sam laughed "Yeh guess you didn't figure in that fact when you agreed to let me live with you and your girlfriend huh? O well your problem not ours! Em and I are quite happy with the arrangement" She added with a smirk.

Danny hung his head in defeat.

"Bad luck man but you should have realised that living with two women would be a bad idea" Rick teased with a cheeky grin.

"OK listen up people. We have a new member joining us today" A collective groan came from the four other agents as Vivian spoke.

"Don't be so quick to judge" She continued with an odd look on her face, one that said I know something you don't. "I think you might just like this guy"

All four agents looked at her sceptically but she just grinned.

"Rick, as the only one who's yet to meet him, I'd like to introduce you" Vivian said indicating behind the other agents "to Special Agent Martin Fitzgerald"


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Rick, as the only one who's yet to meet him, I'd like to introduce you" Vivian said indicating to someone stood behind the other agents "to Special Agent Martin Fitzgerald"

Danny, Elena and Sam all turned around with shock and surprise evident on their faces.

"Martin this is Rick O'Hara" Vivian continued, still smiling.

"Hey, good to meet you" Martin said reaching out his hand to shake Rick's.

"Yeh you too." Rick took Martin's offered hand.

Danny was the first to welcome Martin back "At last! An agent who's going to stay! Man is it good to see you again" He got up and grasped Martin's hand and pulled him in to a manly hug.

"It's good to see you too Danny" Martin said with a grin.

"Come here you, you've been gone too long!" Elena also pulled him in to a hug.

"Yeh well I'm back now." Martin replied, looking over at Sam who was yet to say anything.

"Well, welcome back stranger it's been a while." Sam smiled and also embraced Martin.

Martin looked at her surprised. _She's happy to see me? She's not ripping my head off for what I did to her? What the hell's happened to her the last three years!_

"Well are you going to introduce your friend Martin" Vivian asked nodding her head in the direction of a woman stood slightly back from Martin.

"Oh yeh right." Martin reached his hand out to the slim brunette to get her to step forward. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Anna Michaels, my Fiancée." Martin smiled broadly.

"Fiancée? You got engaged? Congratulations Marty that's great!" Danny exclaimed clapping Martin on the back.

"Thanks man"

"It's good to meet you Anna" Danny continued "I'm Danny"

"Other wise known as the wise cracking, annoying one. Hi I'm Elena and congratulations both of you." Elena joked as Danny shot her a mock annoyed look.

"Good to meet you" Rick and Vivian both echoed introducing themselves and congratulating the couple, Vivian shaking hands with her.

"Hi I'm Sam. Nice to meet you" Sam welcomed with a smile "Congratulations" she added.

Both Danny and Martin were watching her closely since Martin announced that he was engaged. Martin was relived to see that she didn't seam bothered and appeared to be happy for him.

Danny however was not so convinced Sam was as ok as she appeared. He'd known her for too long, knew her too well, as well as knowing how much she'd gone through since Martin had left, to be convinced by a smile. However he wasn't going to question her about it now, it could wait till they got home so for now he settled for keeping an eye on her.

"It's good to meet you all and thanks, but I have to go now. I've got to get to work. But I look forward to getting to know you all better soon." She finished with a smile.

"Well we were planning a girls night in for tonight but could change it if you guys wanna come over or maybe go out somewhere for a meal?" Sam spoke up.

"Uhh…" Martin looked at Anna questioningly.

"Sure sounds good to me, if your sure we wouldn't be crashing your plans that is?" Anna finished for him.

"No course you wouldn't" Elena replied "When do you finish work?"

"I get off at 5"

"Okay, if you head back over here when your done we can all head over to Sam's. Okay?"

"Sure. Sounds good to me. I'll see you guys later then. Bye sweetie" Anna added with a quick kiss on Martins cheek as she left.

Martin was feeling a little uneasy at having to have a meal with everyone including Anna. He'd hoped that they'd wait a week at least before suggesting it or something similar.

Sam was surprised with herself for asking in the first place but oddly was actually not dreading it.

"She seems nice" Danny stated hoping to get some more information on her from Martin.

"She is" Was all he said however before turning to Vivian "Do we have a case at the moment or are we on paperwork for now?"

"Paperwork I'm afraid. But it will give you guys a chance to catch up and for you and Rick to get to know each other. I have a meeting upstairs but shouldn't be much more than an hour so I'll see you in a bit" She answered "Oh and its good to have you back Martin" She added as she walked away.

The five agents all looked at each other for a minuet before grabbing piles of paperwork to do and sitting at the conference table. There was little Martin could do as it was his first day so he just did odd bits from each agent that he could.

"So what have you guys been up to for the past three years?" Martin asked. The question he most wanted to ask was what happened to Jack. He'd asked Viv when he'd come to see her about the job but she had been very vague and told him to ask the rest of the team at a later date.

"You mean what happened to Jack? Well…there's a lot to go through. We're going to have to start from when you left, or more precisely the morning after the night you left" Danny stated seeing through his old friend instantly.

Something in the way Danny looked at him as he said that told him that the whole team was well aware of what he'd done and was not going to like what he was going to say.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N Here's an update for you. Please read and review :)

**Chapter 3**

"Okay. Sounds like a fair place to start." Martin said taking a deep breath and bracing himself for what was going to come.

Danny started "I got a call around…"

"Danny" both Sam and Elena interrupted in warning tones. Rick closely watching both men.

"What? He needs to hear this part to." Danny argued looking at Sam.

"Your right he does and he will but not now. You can chew him out later when we're not in the middle of the office. Okay?" Sam said looking at him. The look asking him not to make this more awkward for her.

Danny instantly backed down. She'd been through enough and he wasn't about to make it harder for her again.

Martin was watching Danny too closely to see Sam's expression.

"Okay. Short version," Danny started again "Jack and Sam split up 'coz of you. He than got drunk, came to the office and threatened Sam with her job if she didn't sleep with him again. Only problem was that your dad was around the office at the time and witnessed the whole thing. He discussed it with Sam and then discussed it with Jack. Then Fitzgerald Sr. fired him."

"Wow" was all Martin could say, looking down, surprise evident on his face. Although whether he was more surprised at what Jack did or that his father had finally gotten his way and fired him he hadn't yet decided.

He looked up at Sam who was looking at him. "I'm sor…"

Sam quickly held her hand up and interrupted him "Don't. I don't wanna hear it and I don't need to. I'm over it, over him."

She said it with such conviction that, for the first time, Martin believed her when she said it.

"So what else have I missed then?" Martin asked.

All four other agents exchanged looks at that clearly said there was a lot more he needed to know and that some of it had to do with the repercussions of him leaving.

Martin was fairly sure this was going o be awkward and maybe a little hard but he wasn't prepared for what Sam said next.

"Well I spent six months in a coma."

"Huh? How…uhh…what…uhh"

"Car chase gone wrong. It happened about five weeks after you left." Sam continued "We, Danny and I, were chasing a suspect and he ran a red light. The intersection was pretty quite and we ran the light to but didn't see the SUV coming from the right."

"It hit us, hard!" she continued after a breath. "Danny, being the driver, only got fairly minor injuries compared to me and was outta hospital after couple of weeks"

"I, on the other hand, suffered serious head and internal injuries, further complicated by a miscarriage."

Martins shock doubled on hearing that and he looked at her in complete disbelief. Although he had to admit, to himself if no one else, he was glad Sam hadn't had a child with Jack.

"I'd only found out about the baby the day before. Anyway I woke up six months later and spent a further three months in hospital under going serious therapy, both physical and psychiatric for depression, and had to have two further operations to remove screws from my leg and from my arm" She held out her arm indicating the surgical and accident scars on her forearm.

"When they said I was physically well enough to leave, I was still a long way off being well enough to come back to work. I was still suffering from the depression and I was seeing two different therapists for that, Lisa Harris for the work related stuff and another woman, Julia, for the…more personal stuff."

Sam hesitated. She had dealt with all of this stuff and put it behind her. But now Martin was back it changed some things, made it harder for her to leave it there. Dealing with him leaving was almost as hard as her dealing with losing her child.

She wasn't sure how much she was really ready for him to know, how much she was willing to let him in again. He'd changed her and had more of an affect on her than she could tell him. Part of the reason she was happier and more relaxed now was because of him even though he'd been gone for three years!

Rick saw how much Sam was struggling and quickly helped her out and changed the subject "However she's all better now and I think there's some happier news Danny would love to share."

Sam looked at Rick and smiled gratefully to which Rick gave her a smile and wink.

"Yeh sure. You see you ain't the only one who's gotten engaged!" Danny stated with a smirk suddenly looking very happy.

"Really? Congratulations man that's great." Martin said warmly "Who is she and how did you two meet?" he asked.

"Her names Emily Winters, only don't call her 'Emily' 'coz she'll kick your ass! It's 'Em' to everyone. And I met her 'coz…well 'coz she was Sam's physical therapist."

Martin gave him a look.

"I know I know but what can you do? I love her and couldn't be happier 'bout it so you can just keep your opinions in it to yourself!"

"Hey" Martin started, hands raised in surrender "I ain't saying anything! I'm really happy for you, I think it's great. So am I gonna get to meet her tonight then?"

"Well seeing as we're going to my house and she lives with me, I'd be very surprised if you didn't!"

The whole team had to crack a smile and a couple of laughs at that one. Mood sufficiently lighter.

- - - - - -

Later it was just Sam and Martin left at the table as Elena, Rick and Danny had gone to get lunch and Vivian was in her office working.

They had been working in comfortable silence for a few minuets, the mood having stayed relaxed for the rest of the morning with them just telling Martin some funnier stories that had happened since he'd been gone.

"Martin" Sam spoke up leaning across the table towards him, looking serious "there's something else you need to know that I don't wanna wait to tell you but didn't wanna say in front of the others, and they knew any way so…"

"What is it Sam?" Martin asked now with an equally serious face.

"Well…" she looked down for a couple of seconds, contemplating how best to say this. She decided on the straight forward approach as there was no easy way to do this. "It's about the miscarriage"

"What about it?" asked Martin now looking confused.

Sam looked up and straight in to Martins deep blue pools "It wasn't Jacks baby Martin, it was yours."


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"This is a beautiful place you have Samantha" Anna stated as they walked in to the spacious, modern apartment that night.

"Thanks I love it too" Danny replied.

Both Anna and Martin looked at him oddly.

Danny just looked at them straight faced for a few seconds as Sam and Elena laughed.

"It's actually Mine, Sam and Em's apartment. Em's my fiancée." Danny added in explanation seeing Anna's still confused expression.

"Oh I see." She smiled

"Sit, make yourselves at home" Sam said indicating the two large very comfy, modern looking, deep wine coloured couches in front of them. She walked through to the joining open plan kitchen separated from the living area by a breakfast bar "Can I get you guys a drink? Beer, wine, soda?"

"Beer!" Rick and Elena instantly replied.

"I meant Martin and Anna. You guys know where the drinks are get them yourselves!" Sam retorted laughing as she got the drinks regardless.

"I'll have a red wine if you've got it please. Beer Martin?" Anna asked turning to him.

He simply nodded in answer. Anna was surprised at Martin's lack of verbal response. Come to think of it he'd seemed quiet since she'd turned up at the FBI building again. She had put it down to being a tough first day back and seeing people he'd once been close to and now having so much catching up to do.

However now she was beginning to wonder if something else was going on. He would usually be much more verbal and polite as a guest bad day or not. And he was refusing to look at Sam and acknowledge her presence. And she kept looking at him almost sadly or maybe as if she was worried about him or something.

She knew they were ex-lovers but had split up about fifteen months before he left. She also knew Martin hadn't left on the best terms with the whole team but was sketchy on the details. Something had happened to cause the reactions from Martin but what Anna had no idea.

However as Sam and Danny returned with everyone's drinks, including Vivian's, the sound of the front door opening and closing meant she would have to leave her pondering for later.

"Hey all. You must be Martin and Anna. Hi I'm Em, its good to meet you both" Em warmly greeted as she came in and dropped her bag on the floor.

"Hey you" she said pulling Danny in for a quick kiss.

"Hey yourself" he replied with a smirk as he pulled away.

"I'm gonna go take a quick shower. Go ahead and order for me."

"Kay will do" Danny said.

Em looked at Sam before moving and inclined her head slightly towards her bedroom. Getting up, Sam took the hint and followed her.

"So that's Martin huh?" Em started as Sam closed the door. Sam nodded staying quiet as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"I can see why you fell for him. He's cute, beautiful eyes. He looks sad though" The redhead continued moving around the room removing her jacket, shoes and socks, grabbing a towel. Sam remained silent.

"He looks like he's had a bit of a shock. And you don't look so hot either" Em looked at Sam closely. Still Sam said nothing. "So I'm gonna take a guess and say you told him it was his baby."

Sam smiled weakly at the other woman. "Right, as always. How is it you can read people so well?" She asked rhetorically "I couldn't not tell him now he's back and I didn't wanna wait to tell him 'coz I know he'd of been mad at me for it."

"Hey I didn't say you'd done anything wrong hun. I think you were right to tell him today." Em assured her calmly, sitting beside her on the bed. "How are you doing? And don't bother giving me the 'I'm fine' routine. I know you way better than that."

Again Sam smiled at her weakly. Since Em had been treating Sam since she woke up from the coma, she was aware of everything that had happened to her. Sam's depression had, in the early stages at any rate, been hindering her physical recovery. So Em had requested to be informed of how her sessions with the therapists had been going and to know the reasons for the depression.

As Danny attended all of Sam's sessions, and was obviously very close to her despite Sam's equally obvious attempts to push him away, Em had gotten to know him as well and worked with him to help Sam. Sam and Em had eventually become very close through their work and with Em and Danny beginning to date. Sam could sometimes fool Danny into thinking she was okay when she wasn't but never Em.

"Honestly right now I don't know. I think I'm still in shock at him being here and being engaged to know how I really feel about it yet" Sam said quietly. "I've spent the last three years moving on and getting over him. Now I've finally got my life together again and he's back" She continued sounding close to tears.

Em placed a comforting arm around the woman she'd come to consider her sister over the past three years.

"I think I'm almost mad at him for coming back now." Sam laughed bitterly. "How screwed up is that?"

"It's not at all Sam. You're confused right now and its gonna take some time to work out what your feelings are for him now. But we're all here; we all know what you went through. And if you want I can hate the fiancée for you, it's the best friends duty." Em added trying to add some levity to the situation.

Sam smiled and almost laughed at that. "That's more like it. Now go back out there, I'm gonna take a shower and we'll talk more later. Now go." Em said getting up and pulling Sam up with her and pushing her towards the door.

"Okay, okay! I get the hint!" Sam laughed as she walked back out the door and headed down the hall to the main living area.

Em watched her retreating back and wondered how the hell Sam was going to deal with this.

A/N please R&R and let me know if I should continue to post this story.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N This chapter begins and ends in Martin's POV. The italics indicates flashback and is in third person. Please review all comments good or bad are welcome. :)

**Chapter 5**

"It was yours. It was yours. It was yours."

The words keep running through my head. They wouldn't stop all through dinner.

I couldn't focus on what everyone was saying and I know Anna noticed and wasn't happy about it. Thankfully no one else put pressure on me to partake in the conversations. Although I think it's because they know what Sam told me.

Well I know Elena, Danny and Rick know due to their timing for returning with lunch. I'm assuming that Viv was told. I have no idea if Em knows, but I don't even know if she knows that the baby Sam lost was mine. She and Sam seem close so she probably does and if Sam didn't tell her Danny probably did.

"It was yours."

I just can't stop thinking about those three words. And what I said to Sam because of them.

"_It wasn't Jacks baby Martin, it was yours."_

_Martin looked at her as if he couldn't believe what he'd heard. "Sorry, what?"_

_Sam looked uncomfortable and avoided his gaze._

"_It was my baby?" He questioned apparently unable to comprehend that he could have been a father._

"_It was" Sam said quietly looking at him briefly._

"_But you and Jack? How can you be sure it wasn't his?" Martin was beginning to sound almost mad, his voice rising slightly._

_Sam had expected shock, surprise, for him to question if it could have been Jacks but not for him to be angry about it._

"_Because Jack and I hadn't slept together for two weeks before you and I did because his kids were in town and we didn't sleep together after you left. So I'm sure. There's no way that the baby was Jacks" She stated firmly._

"_No I don't believe you" He said harshly his voice rising further._

"_Martin, calm down" Sam asked looking around quickly to see if people were watching them._

"_Calm down! You just told me that three years ago I could have been a father! Don't tell me to calm down!" His voice was rising further and a few people were starting to look over._

"_You were sleeping with Jack, you slept with me and who knows how many other guys in between and after! You probably have no idea who the father would have been! Your just saying it was me for the guilt factor because of what I did, hoping that it will make me sorrier, make me sleep with you again!" He shouted at her._

"_How can you even think that!" Sam interrupted in shock, tears beginning to form in her eyes_

"_Because you're a slut Samantha! Everyone around here knows it! Two guys, one team remember!"_

_Sam leapt up and slapped him hard enough across the face to force his head to snap to the side. She then stormed out of the office towards the ladies room._

"_You deserved that and a hell of a lot more!" Danny threatened voice ice cold._

_He, Elena and Rick were all stood behind him and had obviously heard his parting comments to Sam._

"_Danny" Elena warned as Rick put his hand on Danny's arm to restrain him if necessary as he took a step towards Martin._

_Martin stood and backed against the table as Danny stopped about a foot from him and leaned in to his personal space as he would if interrogating or threatening a suspect. Only this time the victim was his little sister, as far as he was concerned anyway._

"_As soon as she comes back you apologize to her. And I mean grovel and beg. If she wants you out of here then you no longer have a job here. Is that understood?" Danny said all in the same quite, icy voice._

_Martin had seen why Danny almost always got his way with suspects in the past but for the first time he truly understood why it worked. Danny Taylor could be a very intimidating man when he wanted to be and right now he did. And Martin was nervous._

_He nodded "Yes. I understand" he said, shaken up by Danny's actions, by Sam slapping him and by what he'd said in the first place. Where it had come from he didn't know._

"_You had better because if you hurt her once more I'm not gonna stop Danny from doing what he wants" Rick had moved up beside Danny realising he wasn't going to hurt Martin, at least not yet._

_Martin looked at the taller man closely. He was clearly close to Sam as well but was too restrained to have romantic feelings for her and had not known her long enough to think of her as his sister but it appeared to be getting there. He was protective of her. Martin briefly wondered how they'd gotten so close so quickly but didn't have time to dwell on it._

"_I understand" He repeated this time looking at Rick._

"_Good" Danny stated before turning on his heels and following after Sam._

_Rick looked at Martin for a few seconds longer before turning and leaving and striding across to Vivian's office._

_Elena and Martin looked at each other before she spoke "You had better watch out for those two. They won't hesitate to shred you for those comments." She warned with a very serious face leaving Martin in no doubt that she was sure as hell not going to defend him in anyway shape or form._

"_Yeh I got that thanks!" He retorted sarcastically._

"_Watch it Martin. You're in no position to start talking to me like that" She stated keeping her voice low._

_Martin hung his head knowing he was stood on quick sand and sinking fast with no one around to pull him to safety._

_He sat back down and pretended to be getting on with work, as did Elena._

"_I was gonna be a father?" He questioned quietly, keeping his head down._

"_Yeh, you were" Elena sighed looking at him sadly._

I still can't believe I said those things to Sam. I apologized as soon as she came back to the bullpen but I still feel guilty as hell.

I didn't mean it I was just in shock. I really don't know where it came from.

As I climbed in to bed with Anna, all I could think of was what could have been. I could have been a father. Sam had been carrying my child. We could have had a child together. We could have been a family.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N flashbacks are in italics.

**Chapter 6**

Em closed the door after Martin and Anna left and headed back to the couch collapsing on top of Danny so that her back was pressed in to his chest.

"Well that could have gone worse" She stated surveying the mess of pizza and takeout boxes scattered across the table and floor.

"I think it went okay. Anna seems nice. But I'm still not sure about Martin" Rick said getting up and beginning to gather up the leftovers and stack the empty boxes. Vivian and Elena had left just before Martin and Anna.

"You can't judge him on what you saw today, Rick. And you don't have to do that." Sam said quietly from her place on the couch with Danny and Em.

"You're defending him now? And I know I don't have to tidy up." Rick added. It had become a routine for the agents when they got together that Rick would always be the first to start tidying up even though most of the time they were at Sam and Danny's. The others would always tell him he didn't have to or offered to help but he always declined. They still say it but no longer bother to move, it's just a habit to say it so that they don't feel like their taking him for granted.

"I'm not defending him. It's just that with all you've heard about him and seen today you didn't know him before." Sam continued sounding weary and looking suddenly very tired.

Rick paused and looked at her. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Although he hadn't met Sam until about four months after she woke up from the coma they had quickly become close. Because of this, Rick had witnessed most of her recovery first hand and knew as well as the rest of the team how hard it had been and the setbacks she had suffered. Like Danny he wasn't going to do anything to make it hard for her again.

"Don't worry about it. I know why you think it. And I appreciate you guys looking out for me. I…" Sam hesitated taking a deep breath. Although she was much more comfortable sharing her feelings and being open with her friends, the one thing she still had trouble with was bringing up their involvement in her recovery.

"I just wanna say thank you for everything you guys have done for me in the last three years. I know I wouldn't have survived without you. Elena and Viv helped a lot as well but you three really fought for me and taught me to fight when I didn't want to." Again she paused and took a deep breath.

The others stayed silent knowing she needed to do this by herself. Sam acknowledging their help and support is something Sam's therapist told them would be the one of the final steps in her acceptance to what happened to her and willingness to be fully open with them. But it had to come from her in her own time; that was something both Julia and Lisa had been very clear on.

"I know that the next few weeks, and probably months, are going to be hard now that Martin's back. And I'm just glad I know I can count on you guys for anything, at anytime." Sam sighed quietly in relief at having finally said what she'd been wanting to for several months but hadn't found the courage to.

"You're very welcome. We're just all glad you're okay now and happier." Danny smiled reaching a hand out to place on her shoulder.

"Yeh that and you being well and at work means that we don't have to put up with more rookies and have less paperwork to do!" Rick joked making everyone laugh lightening the mood considerably.

The four friends traded a few light comments as Rick finished tidying before he left to go home.

"Right. Danny you staying in here or going to bed? 'Coz me and Sam have gotta talk." Em said shifting so she wasn't sat in Danny's lap.

"I'll leave you two access to the kitchen for ice cream. I'm going to bed. Goodnight Ladies!" Danny smirked, kissing Em as he got up and headed for his room.

"Well that was easier than usual, he must be learning!" Sam laughed.

"Yeh, lucky for him!" Em replied laughing with Sam.

"So what is it you want me to talk about?" Sam asked the smile slipping from her face.

"Danny called me after you and Martin talked this afternoon. I know what Martin said and that Danny and Rick threatened him. I know you and Martin talked and obviously he apologized but I don't know what was said between you tow and how you feel about it. So fill me in. If you're ready to."

"No problem. We were sat at the conference table and he was mad at me. He was almost shouting at me when he called me a slut, at which point I got up slapped him across the face because I was so mad and stormed off to the ladies room."

"I know that part. Did you slap him because you were just mad or because you were hurt as well as mad and wanted to hurt him too?" Em asked quietly.

"Honestly? I was really hurt as well. I've missed him so much. I've not gotten over him, but I have moved on. I dealt with what happened and accepted that he was out of my life. Now he's back and engaged and I don't know what to think or how to feel." Sam said her voice cracking.

"I know you are hun. I can't understand what you're going through but I am here for you. Why don't you tell me what happened after you stormed off." Em knew by looking at her body language and her tone of voice that Sam was finding this hard. "You don't have to tell me everything you and Martin said to each other, I know some of it will be too private. Just tell me what you can" She gently persisted.

_Sam pushed the door to the ladies room open with enough force for it to hit the wall and bounce back. She was angry. How dare he call her a slut! _

_She was also hurting. All she'd done was to be honest with him._

_Tears were freely flowing as she locked herself in one of the stalls. She put the lid down on the toilet and sat down resting her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands as she tried to keep her sobs quiet. _

_Her brain had vaguely realised that she had pushed past Danny as she ran so knew he and Rick would take care of Martin, then Danny would come looking for her._

_She couldn't believe he'd called her a slut, that _Martin_ had called her a slut. She knew he was upset but to strike out at her like that was out of order. She should be pissed as hell at him and want to beat ten rounds out of him._

_She didn't. She wanted him to apologize, to tell her that he didn't mean it, to take her in his strong arms, tell her he'd missed her and cry with her over the loss of their child._

_But he wouldn't. He was engaged now. To some one else. Sam cried harder at the thought of him being so close to her but not being able to touch him. At the thought of him being happy with some one else._

_While he'd been gone she had hoped he was doing better and was happy but now that he was back, she wanted him back with her._

_She wanted to feel the things that only he could make her feel and not just the physical things either. She wanted to feel the tingling almost dizzy feeling she got when he looked at her, smiled at her with those dimples she loved so much, she wanted to drown in his eyes the way she used to. But she could only dream about it now, more so than when he was away. Now he was some one else's to get lost in._

_Sam heard the door open and close again as Danny walked in calling her name. He sounded worried. She heard him lock the door once he was sure it was just Sam and him in there._

"_Can you open the door please Sammie?" He asked gently. She did._

"_Oh, Sammie. Come here baby." Danny said seeing her sat there. He crouched down and pulled her in to his arms holding her tight. He held her as she cried just rubbing her back in soothing motions, murmuring comforting words in her ear and kissing her hair._

_They stayed that way for about ten minuets before Sam's cry's calmed down._

"_I told him it was your decision as to whether or not he still has a job." Danny told her with out moving, staying on the floor with her in his arms._

"_I can tell him to go home for the day if you don't want to deal with it now" He added. 'I'll take his head off for you now if you want' he added silently._

"_No" Sam replied pulling her self in to a sitting position but still with Danny's arms around her "I have to do this and I have to do it now" She added standing up and beginning to fix her make up in the mirror._

"_Okay. I'm right here and anything you need you just have to say it." Danny said deciding it would be better to not question if she should be doing it now and just let her get on with it before she doubts herself to much._

"_I know" Sam turned her head to look directly at him. "Thank you"_

_Danny nodded. He turned and walked to the door unlocking it walking out._

_Sam stood there for a couple of more minuets taking deep breaths before following him out and to the bullpen._

_When she got there everyone was sat around the table again, including Vivian, working, or pretending to work, quietly._

_Sam took another deep breath as everyone's eyes turned on her except Martins. He had the grace to continue staring at the floor looking ashamed._

"_Martin," She started her voice as cold and hard as Danny's had been with him earlier. It sent shivers through him "We need to talk"_


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"_We need to talk." Sam said coldly turning on her heel._

_Martin looked around the table quickly before getting up and following Sam keeping his head down. _

_Sam walked out on to the balcony, Martin just a few feet behind her. She walked to the far end before turning back to face Martin. Her arms folded across her chest in a protective manner, trying to create a barrier between her and Martin._

_Martin was very nervous. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sam, he was too ashamed._

"_I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from" Martin started his voice almost pleading. Sam just watched him._

"_I was just shocked. First I hear that my dad fired Jack. Then that you were in a coma for six months and suffered a miscarriage which I assumed was Jack's and then I find out that I was mine._

"_I didn't want to leave you in the first place but I did and I met a fantastic woman and moved on. Then she gets a better job here and I have to move back and ever since all I can think about is you._

"_I wanted to come back and find that you'd gotten pregnant from that night we'd spent together. I wanted an excuse to come back to you to be with you again. I wanted to have a family with you from almost the minuet I met you. Hearing that I could have had that with you was just hard to hear._

"_I was shocked and lashed out. I shouldn't have and I didn't mean it. I never meant to hurt you, not ever. And I'm so sorry. If you want me to go I'm gone, right now. I don't expect you to let me stay and I defiantly don't expect another chance."_

_Martin finished watching Sam closely. He hadn't meant to tell her all that. He shouldn't have told her he wanted to have a family with her, that he wanted an excuse to be with her again. There was something about that night that was some how more special than every other night they'd been together. He knew they'd forgotten to use protection and ever since he couldn't help wondering if maybe the reason it was more special was because they'd created a baby. As it turned out he was right. Only problem was that she lost it._

_Sam couldn't look at him. She turned and leant her arms on the ledge, tears in her eyes. She had expected him to apologize, be upset and blame it on shock. She was defiantly not expecting him to say that he wanted an excuse to come back to her. That he had wanted to come back and find her with his child. And she thought he'd had a shock today._

_Sam had no idea what to say to Martin. She didn't know what to think. "You can keep your job. We're fed up of dealing with rookies." She attempted to joke. Sam didn't want to deal with what he'd said now. She needed time to think about what he'd said and sort her feelings out. She turned and walked towards the door._

_As she brushed past Martin, he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him._

"_Thank you." He said softly "I'd hate to have to leave you again so soon." He added moving both hands to rest on her upper arms._

"_We can't just pretend I didn't just say those things." Martin said looking down and stepping closer to her._

"_No we can't" Sam started pulling out of Martin's arms "Put we also can't ignore the fact that you're engaged."_

_Martin looked down and looked slightly ashamed but also disappointed. "You're right I'm sorry. I'm screwing up again. I just don't know where my head is at the moment. I see you here and clearly happier, you're so close with the team and I don't want to screw that up for you."_

"_For me? You're the one who's engaged!" Sam almost shouted at him. "I can't believe you're saying this!" She shook her head in amazement._

"_Yeh well like I said, I don't know where my head is. I just found out I lost a child." He said beginning to get mad._

"_Alright, alright, calm down." Sam said "I think we both just need some space to think about things and if can really work having you back on the team." She added without looking at him._

"_Yeh, that's probably a good idea." He sighed "We won't come over for dinner tonight then"_

"_No you should still come. You wanna meet Em right and I know Danny really wants you to meet her."_

"_After what just happened I doubt that" He laughed bitterly._

"_No they'll be fine with you now. Their just a little over protective of me."_

"_You don't say!" Martin said raising an eyebrow._

_Sam laughed "We should head back in" She headed for the door again and held it open for Martin._

"_Go ahead, I'll be in, in a minuet" He said a small smile on his lips._

"_Okay" Sam said as she closed the door behind her._

By the time Sam finished tell Em what happened, she was in floods of tears.

"What am I supposed to think and do now? We slept together and he left before I woke up hen he comes back three years later, engaged no less, and tells me he wanted a family with me, that he wants to be with me." Sam sobbed

Em had her arm around Sam's shoulder and pulled her close knowing there was no easy answer.

"I'm just so confused Em. I've worked so hard to get where I am since the accident and now he's gonna screw it all up again!"

"He can only screw it up for you if you let him Sam. We're all here for you. I know you can do this. It's just going to take some time to deal with it. You've had a stressful day. You need to rest and take some time to think about things before you do anything." Em glanced at Danny who was stood in the hall entrance leaning his shoulder on the wall, arms crossed with a deep frown on his face.

Danny had been stood there long enough to hear everything that happened on the balcony but Sam was yet to notice his presence. Seeing Sam break down completely, her head on Em's shoulder, tore at his heart.

He walked over and pulled Sam from Em's embrace so that she was sat curled in his lap, her arms around his neck, her head buried under his chin. He rocked her and told her it was going to be okay as a father would reassure a child.

Em's POV

It broke my heart to see some one I care so much about in so much pain. Watching her as Danny tried to comfort her, she seamed so vulnerable. As much as or maybe more than she had at any stage of her recovery. All I want to do was take the pain away for her, give her the easy answers she so desperately craves, she's been through enough.

Listening to Sam tonight and watching the way Martin looked at her through dinner, whether he realised it or not, made one thing very clear to me:

Sam is still in love with Martin and he's still in love with her. So the only question now is how to get them to realise it.


	9. Chapter 8

A/N I know this isn't a great chapter, it's more of a filler between chapters but the next will develop the plot more I promise. Please r&r I love reading your comments.

**Chapter 8**

The following couple of days went by without major incident. They had a tough case so didn't have much time for anything personal so left it that way. Sam and Martin for the most part were avoiding each other as much as possible. Whilst Danny and Rick, and Danny and Em at home, were keeping a close eye on Sam.

Things between Martin and Danny were not going so well, hadn't been since the incident on Martins first day back. Nothing had really happened but there was defiantly tension between them and it was growing.

"Good morning all" Sam muttered trying, and failing, to hide a yawn as she and Danny walked in to the bullpen. Rick was already sat at his desk working on paperwork. Martins coat and bag weren't at his desk so he wasn't in yet. Neither was Elena.

"Where's Elena?" Sam asked.

"Sick." Rick said without moving. He didn't appear to be in a good mood.

"Do we have a case yet?" Danny asked putting his bag down and coat over his chair.

"Not yet, but here comes Viv so we're about to find out" Rick replied glancing in the direction of Vivian's office to see her walking over.

"Good morning, where's Martin?" Vivian started glancing around and realising the other agent wasn't around.

"Don't know. Haven't seen him" Rick replied without looking up from the paperwork he was working on.

"I'm here" Martin said breathlessly "Sorry my gear box gave up half way here and I had to wait for the tow truck."

"Isn't your car pretty new?" Rick asked frowning slightly.

"Yeh, it looks like a ball bearing exploded and pieces of it got caught in the gear box effectively rendering it useless." Martin replied clearly not happy about it.

"Okay well lets not waste any more time." Vivian started walking towards the board "Missing is Katie Reid. 23 years old didn't show up for work today so her boss called her fiancé at home and she hasn't been heard from or seen since about 10pm last night." Vivian put her picture up on the board.

"Danny, Sam head over to her office and see what you can find there. Rick and I will head over to her house, talk to her fiancé and friends. Martin you're on phone and credit card records. Let's get to it" Vivian finished as the team grabbed their coats and headed out leaving Martin looking even more annoyed and frustrated.

– o – o – o – o –

By lunch time NYPD had found their missing person in the river, so the case was handed over to the NYPD homicide team.

The team were sat around the table eating lunch and finishing up their paperwork for the case when Danny's cell phone rang.

"Taylor" He answered in his usual professional manner "Oh hey Em" a smirk crossing his face as he realised who it was "I'll be back" He said to the rest of the team getting up from the table and heading towards the balcony for some privacy.

Sam smiled and rolled her eyes at him as he walked away.

"Right, I've got a meeting upstairs to get to. I'll be back in about an hour." Vivian stated "If he's not back in 15 minuets Sam, drag him back here" She added with a smile before heading upstairs.

"No problem!" Sam laughed.

The three agents left at the table continued in silence for about a minuet before they were again interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone. This time it was Ricks.

"O'Hara" He answered "Yes it is…Yes I do…oh my God! Is he okay?" He suddenly sat up very straight and alert, panic clear on his face "You're sure there's nothing worse? Thank God! Okay thank you. I'll be there in 10 minuets."

Rick hurriedly grabbed his coat and keys from his desk as Sam looked at him worriedly "What happened?"

"Uh…Matt was in a car crash. It wasn't serious apparently he just has a concussion, some glass cuts and a broken arm" he added seeing Sam rapidly pale "He'll be okay but I gotta go. Let Viv know where I am. I'll call you later and let you know how he's doing"

Sam was still looking very pale and nervous. Although Rick was still really worried about Matt his protectiveness of Sam took over. He smiled at her reassuringly placing a hand on her shoulder and brushing his lips across her forehead. "He'll be fine" he said again looking straight in to her eyes.

"You promise?" She asked quietly.

"I promise." He again smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "I have to go now. I'll talk to you soon Sammie."

"Okay." Sam managed a weak smile. Since Sam's accident she had been particularly nervous if a car crash took place. The fear had been reinforced when Rick had almost been in an accident about a year ago.

Rick knew she'd be okay once Danny was back so he left, striding quickly out of the office.

"Who's Matt? Is he a friend?" Martin questioned leaning over the table slightly, concern on his features. He wasn't used to seeing Sam look so…vulnerable, it worried him.

"Uh yeh, he is" Sam said quietly "He's Rick's boyfriend, that's how I know him."

Martin was shocked to say the least to hear that. "Boyfriend? Rick's gay?" He asked in astonishment, momentarily forgetting his concern for Sam.

"Yes. Matt's a sweetie, once you get to know him anyway" She added with a slight smile.

Martin was going to question Sam further about Rick and Matt but Danny chose that moment to return.

Danny took one look at Sam and knew something was wrong. Instantly he turned on Martin "What did you say to her?" He grabbed the back of Martins chair and swung it around so he was facing him.

Martin looked slightly shocked but instantly went on the defensive. "Nothing! I get that your protective of her Danny but you can't accuse me of doing something every time she's upset!" Martin said, angry standing up facing off with Danny. To which Danny drew himself up to his full height and stepping closer to Martin.

"Why not? You're the only one with her at the moment and you've done a hell of a lot to hurt her what with leaving the way you did and saying what you did on your first day back!" Danny said his voice raised only slightly but full of anger that couldn't be missed by anyone.

Martin was not as good at keeping his anger under control. "You son of a bitch! That was three years ago! What's it got to do with anything now?" His voice was rising and people were beginning to glance in their direction.

Danny was furious and only just kept his anger in check, all he wanted to do right now was tell Martin what he thought of him for what he did to Sam. However he knew this wasn't the time or place.

"You don't know half of it Martin. This isn't over but for Sam's sake I'm going to drop it for now." His voice quiet but the threat and rage clear to Martin.

Danny walked around the table to Sam who had sat silently watching the exchange between her former lover and her brother; the man who had ripped her heart to pieces and the man who had done his best to repair it, the man who had caused her to spend more nights than she could remember crying her self to sleep and the man who had always been there to hold her as she cried and comfort her.

Danny squatted down and placed a hand on her knee "What happened sweetie?" He asked gently all trace of anger gone only concern present.

"Matt was in a car crash. That's why Ricks not here." She replied quietly, still looking a little pale and scared.

"How bad?" Danny questioned gently placing his other hand on her hand rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand.

"He has a concussion, lacerations and a broken arm. The person who called Rick said he would be okay, it wasn't a serious accident." Her voice beginning to return to normal level, her colour returning now that Danny was there to reassure her and look after her. "He said he'd call to let us know how he's doing." She added.

"That's good. I'm sure he'll be fine. Do you want me to take you home? Em had a cancellation so she's at home now."

"No. I'll be okay. I need to stay." She said determinedly sounding surer than she felt inside.

"Okay. If you change your mind just let me know." Danny said giving her a smile and brief hug before standing and retaking his place at the table and continuing with his work without looking at Martin.

"I…I'm gonna go work on this in the tech room" Martin said quietly feeling awkward picking up his work and leaving.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sam's POV

I was sitting in bed cross legged, my back against the headboard. I'd just finished talking to Rick. Thankfully Matt was okay and allowed home although Rick is going to have to take a couple of days off to look after him because he has some bruised ribs. For the first time since I'd heard about Matt's accident, I could relax. Or as much as I had been able to since Martin came back.

Martin

There was a name that brought a lot of thoughts and images to mind. My skin tingles at the thought of him. Being around him, so close to him, it's all I can do to not touch him. I've missed him so much. I wish it hadn't taken him leaving for me to realise my feelings for him.

I've spent so many nights, and days for that matter, since he left thinking about what could have been if he'd stayed. I would have left Jack in an instant for him. We could have been a family, if only he'd stayed that night…

That said I'm not sure it would have worked. I was still too closed off, unwilling to let anyone in. Work was my life, I didn't think anything was or could be more important. The thought f changing that way of thinking, especially for a man, scared me almost more than lying on the floor of that bookstore bleeding to death did!

As hard as the accident, miscarriage, waking up from the coma and my recovery has been on me, I think it may have been for the best. I finally managed to let go of my past, to accept that I am worth more as a person than just a pretty blonde girl for men to screw, that I didn't deserve to be treated the way Jack treated me.

Danny and Em were a huge part of that recovery and acceptance, Rick too after I met him as well as Lisa and Julia. Finally I told them about my childhood, about my father, about the abuse, about my marriage at 18 to piss my Mom off.

And afterwards I felt better, freer, like this huge weight had been lifted. And they didn't judge me, didn't pity me or treat me differently. I was surprised at the time but thinking about it, I don't know why. I know Danny had a rough upbringing and I know Em and Rick's weren't all smiles and roses too.

The first time I met Rick I hadn't really started sharing. Danny thought it might help if I went out with the team to catch up and to meet Rick so I didn't feel excluded. I didn't want to go; I didn't want to spend the night pretending everything was okay when it wasn't.

We were at a bar close to the FBI building, everyone was there (Jack was long gone by now) and all I wanted was to go home. I finally had enough and walked out. I was leaning against the wall of the bar and there was a trio of guys hanging around on the corner, about a 12feet away from me, smoking and laughing.

They walked towards me and stopped in front of me and on my left so that I was trapped without being surrounded. They were taunting me, threatening me, telling me what they'd like to do to me, to my body. I should have been scared, logic told me that but I was too tired to pay attention, to realize I was in danger.

They were stood a few inches away from me now. I turned my head away, eyes on the ground. Another pair of shoes entered my field of vision and I thought I was screwed.

But it was Rick. He walked straight up to me put his arm around my shoulders pulling me close, tightly like he would keep me well out the way if this got ugly. He lifted his shirt to reveal his gun sticking out of his waistband of his pants instead of being holstered. It gave the impression of him being a thug instead of a FBI agent. I'd seen Danny do the same thing a few times and in the right circumstances it worked better and was more threatening than identifying yourself as FBI.

Rick told the guys to back off as he pulled me away and walked to the end of the block and around the corner out of sight keeping a tight hold on me.

Once we were out of sight he relaxed his grip and stopped walking moving in front of me so that he was facing me his arm loosely around my shoulder still. He pulled out his cell phone as he said "Well that was a laugh. Why guys act tough and threatening when the slightest flash of a gun makes them wet themselves, I'll never understand"

No "Are you okay? Do you need or want anything?" Just the continued shield and reassurance he offered in the way he stood (with his arm around me still and keeping an eye out for the guys in case they decided to follow us after all) and a sarcastic comment about how guys are idiots! He was calling Danny to let him know I was okay and heading home.

I hailed a cab, Rick said goodbye and headed back towards the bar. I hesitated and then called out to him, asking him if he'd mind taking me home. Rick just smiled at me, didn't make a big deal out of it, just slid in to the cab beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders again. His arm was loose enough that I knew if I didn't want the contact, I could pull back and felt that he wouldn't take offence if I did.

But I didn't pull away from him. There was something about him that was completely undemanding, that you could take all the time in the world to except him if you were the right kind of person. That he would take all the shit in the world from you if he knew it was just because you were unhappy about something and would still be there for you in an instant. I realized, sat in the back of that cab with him, that he was treating me like Danny would, like a brother would. He had no expectations of me, he didn't want thanks, he didn't want sex (of course at this point I didn't know he was gay), he just wanted acceptance and didn't mind waiting for it.

Although it took me a little longer to open up to Rick than Danny, I did. His brotherly love for me isn't as strong as Danny's I don't think but it's getting there.

Once I'd met Rick and opened up more to the rest of the team, I began to go out again. And to my surprise I had a good time. We would, and still do, go out for drinks, dinner, to see a movie or sometimes to a club and sometimes a mixture depending on our moods and who's going. We also spend nights in taking it in turns to chose the food and movie.

We spend the time together laughing, joking and sometimes making complete fools of ourselves, usually at Danny, Rick and Matt's insistence. But I don't mind it anymore. It's a laugh, a great way to blow off steam and relax.

I like the me I am now. I think I'm more myself now then I've ever been, I'm not afraid to share my feelings, thoughts and show my emotions.

But now he's back. Now he's the one I want and need to let in. But I don't know if I'm strong enough. I'm close to putting those walls back up because of him.

I don't want to but I don't know if I can survive him hurting me again. I know now what my feelings were, and still are, for him. I have to tell him. But he belongs to someone else now. I'm scared and he belongs to another. I shouldn't tell him. I have no right to feel this way about him. But I have to. I have to tell him, somehow I have to tell him. I need to explain. I have to tell him that I've felt this way about him since we started going out. And now I will tell him. One of the few things I'm sure about is my feelings for him.

I love Martin.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Well that was a waste of time!" Danny sighed frustrated. He and Martin had been talking with a couple of their missing persons friends but hadn't learnt anything new.

Both men were frustrated by the lack of information but it was affecting them both more than usual. Probably because this was the first time they had worked together in the field since Martin had come back and things were still very tense between the two.

They got to the elevator and Martin punched the down button. Neither of them wanted to be stuck in an enclosed space with each other, even for a few minuets, but they were on the tenth floor and didn't want to walk down all those stairs either.

Thankfully the elevator arrived quickly and they climbed on. Both stood at the back facing the doors but hugging the side walls to keep as much distance between them as possible.

The first few moments were spent in silence with just the hum of the elevator motors. Then the elevator came to a shuddering stop, the dim lights flickered but stayed on.

Both agents looked around looking a little uneasy. After a couple of minuets it was clear to both that the elevator wasn't going to move again, Danny, who was closest, moved to the emergency phone only to find the cord had been pulled out.

"Well that's a lot of fucking good isn't it!" He swore throwing the phone in to the opposite wall close to Martins head, and not by mistake.

Martin ducked his head as the phone flew towards him. He straightened watching Danny with a deep frown on his features as he pulled out his cell phone "Damn, no signal" He sighed with frustration. Danny pulled out his cell phone to find that he to had no signal.

Both men looked at each other for a few minuets, sizing the other up as they realized they were stuck in a box together for the foreseeable future. Martin was the first to look away. Danny decided to take advantage of their situation to let Martin know what he thought of him with out any interruptions or being over heard.

"You know, I always thought you were a decent guy Martin. I thought you were good for Sam. I have never been so wrong about someone. I may have been a bit of a player and not one for serious relationships but I would never, never, sleep with a girl and leave before she woke, let alone leave town before she woke!" Danny's voice rose as he spoke, advancing on his target.

"Look, Danny you don't understand, okay? You don't understand why I left and I can't explain why I did what I did to Sam. It's just what happened and it happened three years ago so can't we just leave it in the past?" Martin almost pleaded, looking very uncomfortable Danny was pleased to see.

"Forget it? Forget it!" Danny uttered in disbelief. He was directly in front of Martin now and Martin couldn't look at him "Look at me Martin." Danny ordered his voice the same dangerous, icy tone it had been back in the office.

"I won't say it again Martin" He added as Martin squirmed. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Danny almost shouted as he grabbed Martins shoulder and swung him around, holding him against the wall of the elevator by the back of his jacket. Martin cried out as his head struck the metal.

"Explain Martin because I thought you respected women, which clearly I was very wrong about. Explain to me why you destroyed my sister! Was it payback? Eh? Did you get a kick out of treating her like that? Was it because she went back to Jack? Tell me!" Danny shook him hard as he finished so Martins head and upper body hit the wall again.

Martin cried out again not caring if he seemed weak to Danny. He knew he deserved this and a hell of a lot more from him. He also knew that he did owe Danny, and Sam for that matter, an explanation. "Okay! Okay" He said as Danny pulled on his jacket to once more slam him into the wall no doubt. "I'll explain" He wasn't happy about the idea of telling Danny everything but was even less keen on Danny beating the crap out of him which was most likely the alternative.

"Don't even think about leaving anything out" Danny threatened as he let Martin down. Martin glanced at him briefly as he turned around straightening himself out. "I won't" He promised quietly.

"It's actually quite simple" Martin started "I'm in love with Sam"


	12. Chapter 11

A/N sorry about the wait for this chapter but I had trouble uploading it. Because you've had to wait so long, I'm posting the next Chapter as well. Enjoy and please r & r if the mood takes you!

Chapter 11

"It's actually quite simple" Martin started "I'm in love with Sam"

Danny looked at Martin like he'd sprouted a second head. "In love with her? You're in love with Samantha? Explain…explain to me how you being 'in love' with Sam explains why you hurt her so badly, why you slept with her and left without saying goodbye, why you attacked her when she was being honest with you about the baby when she didn't have to, why you're engaged to another woman!" Danny was almost shouting when he finished and it was making Martin nervous.

"I'll tell you everything Danny but can you please stop attacking me and interrupting because it's making it harder." Martin asked quietly. Danny was making it harder for him but Martin also knew that Danny had every right to be mad at him and show it.

Danny gave him a look that clearly told Martin not to push his luck. "Talk" He ordered crossing his arms over his chest.

"I had to leave because I relapsed. After being almost shot again only eighteen months after nearly dieing was a little hard for me so I started popping pills again to take the edge off."

"Yeh I know this already Martin. What I want to know is why you hurt Sam the way you did" Danny interrupted losing patience already.

Martin swallowed slightly nervous "I know but I need to explain this first for you to understand why I left Sam like that." Danny gave him a look that said hurry up then.

"Once my Dad found out about the drugs, he wanted me in a program on the other side of the country and I couldn't play by their rules. I stopped taking anything once I was found out, I didn't want to back to the way I was. So by the time my Dad was involved, I was essentially clean. But the urge to relapse was strong and being on the job while recovering wasn't an option either. Taking time off wouldn't have worked because there would be pressure to go back and I couldn't handle it. So in order for me to recover I had to leave."

Danny couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Martin. He knew first hand how hard it was to beat an addiction. "Okay I get why you left, I understand the need to leave. But it doesn't explain what you did to Sam." He told Martin.

Martin gave him a weak half smile. "Sure it does. I went to say good bye. I love her, I had to say good bye to her face. But it was harder than I expected. Things hadn't been too good with us since her and Jack…you know. So I didn't think she'd be too upset about it but she was. She stood between me and the door as I tried to leave and asked me to stay. Did she tell you that?" Martin looked at Danny to see that a lot of the anger had worn off although his body language was still pretty hostile.

"She told me." Danny replied shortly, nodding.

"We kissed and it quickly got heated and we…well you know what happened. I couldn't help myself; I had missed her so much." Martin continued with feeling.

"Afterwards, she fell asleep quickly and I watched her sleep. I knew I had to leave in order to recover fully and not risk my life or anyone else on the teams' life because I wasn't up to the job. So I got up and dressed quietly, kissed her gently, whispered to her that I was sorry, said good bye and left. If I'd stayed till she woke up I couldn't have left. I couldn't look in to those beautiful liquid brown eyes again, seen the pain there and walked away."

Martin leaned back against the wall feeling completely exhausted and relieved at having finally told someone why he left and why he did what he had to Sam. He slumped to the floor as he added "So you see it was because I loved her and wanted to protect her that I walked away like that. I love her Danny, I love her."

Danny stood watching him not sure what to think before copying Martin and sitting down against the adjacent wall so they were sat at a right angle to each other. There was something in Martin's voice that convinced Danny that he really meant it when he said he was in love with Sam and was doing the only thing he thought he could to protect her from himself. But it didn't explain everything quite yet.

"So if you're in love with her, why didn't you come back to her? Why did you snap at her and call her a slut when you did come back? And why the hell are you engaged to another woman?" Danny asked him.

Martin sighed knowing this bit was going to be hardest for Danny to understand. "I didn't come back to her because I was scared. I though that she'd hate me too much to want anything to do with me. Or that she'd be with Jack and tell me that the night we spent together was a mistake and didn't mean anything to her. And I kept telling myself that she was better off with out me." He said sounding ashamed, his gaze on the floor.

"I can't believe you were that stupid Martin." Danny said sounding almost exasperated. _You'd think two smart FBI agents who spend half their time reading people's emotions and feelings, would be able to see how in love with each other they were and do something about it!_ Danny thought. He was pretty much over his anger at Martins actions.

"I snapped at her when I heard about the baby because I was shocked. I didn't know what to think or want to believe it. I…it kinda has to do with the answer to your last question, about Anna, as well. I met Anna soon after arriving in Chicago, yes that's where I've been all this time," He added seeing the question on Danny's face.

"She was pretty and sweet and really helped me to get settled there, as a friend. It started to become clear that she wanted more and I thought it might help me move on from Sam so we got together. After about four months I was thinking of calling it off when she told me she was pregnant."

Danny looked shocked and Martin couldn't blame him. He had been even more shocked when he had found out.

"When she was about five months pregnant I asked her to marry me because I thought it was the right thing to do. But about ten days later we were involved in a car crash and although Anna wasn't too badly injured the shock and impact to her abdomen was enough to cause a miscarriage." Martin finished quietly.

Danny couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was no wonder he had reacted so badly to Sam telling him that it was his baby. To have lost one must have been hard enough but to lose two, and both because of car accidents, must be unbearable.

Martin held up his hand when he saw Danny open his mouth to speak. "Let me finish. After losing the baby I didn't have the heart to leave her and we needed each other to get through what happened. It took about a year for us to really get back to normal. By then I had talked myself into believing I loved her so we stayed together."

"Then Anna was offered this promotion here in New York and really wanted it. So she went for it and got it. I found out that you guys were looking for another team member so called Viv and she offered me the job so I took it."

"Since Anna told me there was a possibility of us moving to New York, all I could think about was Sam. Seeing her and hearing what happened to her was more of a shock than I could have ever imagined. She seams so much happier and it's because I left. It's very strange. Knowing I could have had a child with her, been a family with her was hard but knowing that another child was taken from me because of another car accident was too hard to comprehend."

"I know I was wrong to strike out at her like that, I didn't mean any of it, I didn't want to hurt her. I'm so sorry Danny." He finished sounding apologetic and relieved at the same time.

Danny watched his old friend thoughtfully for a few moments before saying anything. "I am glad to have you back Martin. I meant what I said when I welcomed you back. But then you hurt Sam again and having spent the last three years piecing her back together, I'm closer to her than I've ever been and, although we are friends too, you hurt her and I will always chose her side unquestioningly in a heartbeat. She's my sister."

Martin looked at him a soft half smile on his lips "I know. I'm really glad you two are that close and you look after her. She deserves that. Is…is she seeing anyone?" Martin asked looking at the floor again slightly embarrassed but also nervous of what the answer may be.

Danny had to let out a small laugh at Martins attempt at casual "No. Don't worry she's single. However you might do well to remember your not!" He added pointing a mock accusatory finger at him with a smirk on his face.

"Yeh don't remind me" Martin sighed, glad to know that Sam's single but a little depressed knowing he himself currently isn't.

"Do you want her back?" Danny asked, serious again, closely watching his friend.

"Yes, I do." Martin replied looking Danny in the eye and not being nervous to do so for the first time since they'd stepped into the elevator.

"So then what are you gonna do about it?" Danny asked with a slight challenge in how he asked but not threatening.

Martin continued to look at his friend and knew what he had to do but also knew it was going to be hard. He knew it would get messy and people were going to get hurt doing it. So the question really was how to do it?


	13. Chapter 12

A/N A big thanks to my beta for her invaluable help on this chapter. This one's for you huni.

Chapter 12

"I can't believe you and Martin spent two and a half hours stuck in a small metal box and both walked out alive and in one piece!" Em exclaimed after Danny told her what happened.

"Tell me about it. When they first came back to the office and they were joking around, I thought they had been taken over by aliens. Or maybe jumped in a time machine!" Sam laughed. "It was very weird having them friends all afternoon"

"Well nothing like being stuck in an elevator with someone you don't like to get your feelings out in the open" Danny said with a quick glance at Sam.

"Yeah Martin told me you guys cleared the air. We talked this afternoon" She added off Danny's look "He told me what happened" Sam headed for the couch picking up the remote and turning the TV on.

Danny watched her closely looking a confused "I'm glad your dealing with this well but I thought you'd be a little more upset or shocked by it or something? I mean finding out that he lost a baby with Anna the same way you lost yours can't be easy."

"What?" Sam said turning sharply to look at Danny, shock evident on her face "What do you mean he and Anna lost a baby?"

Danny looked embarrassed and almost guilty "You said you two talked. I'm sorry Sam I assumed he told you everything, I know he wanted to."

"All he told me was that you attacked him, held him against the wall and talked. That he explained some things to you and you guys made up. He didn't give me details! What happened? What did Martin tell you?" Sam was getting mad at Danny but she wasn't sure why. It wasn't his fault Martin hadn't told her anything.

"Sam I…I'm sorry. You should talk to Martin. I want to tell you what he told me but it's not for me to say." Danny said looking at her sadly. He'd just cleared the air with Martin; he didn't now want Sam on bad terms with him. He also felt bad for betraying Martins confidence by letting Sam know about the other baby.

"Just tell me what he told you Danny" Sam ordered.

"I know I shouldn't get in the middle of this argument, but by the sounds of it you need to hear this from Martin, Sam. I think he need's to explain it to you and you need to listen." Em had been quietly watching both closely since Danny's accidental admission until now.

Sam and Danny both looked at her having almost forgotten she was there. Sam looked away first "You're right. Sorry Danny, I'm not mad at you."

"No problem. I should have checked what he told you first. Sorry." Danny added with a half smile.

"I need to see him now." Sam said getting up and moving to get her keys and coat. "I need to know what you guys were talking about. I can't wait 'til tomorrow and I don't want to do it at work if it gets ugly." Sam explained seeing Danny open his mouth to argue with her.

"Yeah you're probably right" He admitted nodding his head.

"Take it easy okay Sam. Don't ambush him. It will make it a lot harder for both of you." Em added.

"Okay. See you later" Sam smiled at them as she headed out the door.

Sam arrived at Martin's twenty minuets feeling very nervous as she knocked. What if Anna answered the door? What would she say? What if Martin wasn't there or what if…

"Sam? What are you going here?" Martin asked when he opened the door.

Sam froze for a few moments and Martin just watched her looking confused. "Sam?" He questioned gently "Do you want to come in?"

"I…uhh…I want to talk to you. In private." Sam said remembering why she was there. Damn he looked good in that t-shirt and sweats with his hair all messed up like he'd been sleeping; or lying down for a while anyway.

"Okay. Come in" He said still feeling confused. _Wait; did Danny say something to her? Is that what she's here about?_ Now he was worried. "Its okay, Anna's not here. She has a work thing, won't be back for hours." He added seeing her face.

"Okay then." Sam said brushing past him as she entered.

"Have a seat" Martin motioned to the couch "Can I get you a drink or anything?" He asked sounding a little nervous.

"No thanks. I'm here because Danny told me that you and Anna lost a baby because of a car crash too." Sam decided to get straight to the point. "He didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He didn't give me any details or tell me anything else you two talked about in the elevator but I need you to tell me. Everything"

Martin looked at her for a few moments before sitting on the edge of the couch, Sam still standing beside the coffee table.

"It's complicated. We were talking about why I left and about how Anna and I got together and engaged. And why I reacted so badly when you told me about our baby." He added quietly, eyes on the floor.

Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He was resting his arms on his thighs, with his head low. His body language told her clearly that he was hurting and this was hard for him to talk about. She moved and sat on the opposite end of the couch at an angle so she could watch him.

"Will you tell me please Martin?" She asked gently. As much as she wanted, and needed, to know, she didn't want to cause him more pain.

"This might be hard for you to hear. But I will tell you." Martin said looking at her sadness in his eyes.

All Sam wanted in that moment was to hold him and take all his pain away. But she couldn't do that so instead she gave him a weak smile "Its okay. I want to hear."

Martin took a deep breath before telling her what happened in the elevator with Danny. He told her about why he left and about meeting Anna and about the baby, although not that he wanted to leave Anna. Or that he was still in love with her.

When Martin told her about losing the baby she couldn't stop the tears from silently rolling down her cheeks. She knew how had it was to lose a baby like that but the tears were also because of the pain in Martins eyes, in his soul, was as raw as if it had only just happened.

When Martin was done he also had tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Sam moved closer to him so that their legs were touching and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry Sam, I'm so sorry" Martin finished wrapping his arms around her slim figure pulling her closer.

With out thinking about it they both moved, so their lips met in a heated kiss, tongues fighting for dominance. Martin wrapped one hand tight in her hair and placed the other on the small of her back. He moved back on the couch pulling Sam with him. She moved so that she was straddling him, her hands running under his shirt over his firm stomach, chest and over his back.

Martin moaned with pleasure as her hands slipped just under the waistband of his sweats, his hands under her shirt running them over her breasts. As Sam pressed herself in to him alarm bells started going off in his head. He shouldn't be doing this, he was engaged to Anna. But Sam rocked her hips in to his again and he almost gave in to her. But what if Anna came back early or Sam was still here when she returned.

"Stop" It took every ounce of willpower Martin had to take his hands out from under her shirt and say that one word. "Stop" He repeated pushing Sam off him and walking away to the other side of the room.

"We shouldn't be doing this. You need to go." Martin said his back to Sam, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. If he looked at her again, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off her.

Sam was confused and hurting, feeling rejected. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted this"

There was so much hurt in her voice that Martin almost caved and went back to her. It was what he wanted to do. "You need to go now. I'm with Anna." He said instead and walked into the bathroom locking the door behind him without looking at Sam.

Sam had tears flowing freely down her face again. She gathered her coat and keys quickly. She was hurting and kicking herself for having kissed him in the first place. He was with Anna. He didn't want her he was only kissing her because he was upset. He didn't want anything more than friendship with her. Sam closed the door behind her feeling completely rejected.

Martin was leaning against the bathroom door breathing heavily. Martin was kicking himself for not being completely honest with Sam, for not telling her he was in love with her, for not telling her that he couldn't stop thinking about her. For not telling her that all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and make love to her again. He wanted her more than he could say. Martin turned on the shower and stripped off his clothes. Stepping under the cold water, he knew that tomorrow he had two things to do; he had to leave Anna and tell Sam he's sorry and in love with her.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Sam spent an hour walking around before heading home after seeing Martin. She came in the door, placing her keys in the basket that was sat on the bookcase near the door. Danny and Em were curled up on the couch together but one look at Sam's face, with her eyes puffy and red from crying and tear stains still apparent on her cheeks, Danny was on his feet and pulling Sam to him in a tight embrace.

"What happened Sammie?" Danny asked gently, rubbing her back in soothing circles.

"He told me everything or as far as I know he told me everything." Sam muttered in to Danny's chest.

Danny pulled back from Sam enough to slide her coat off and then hung it up. Placing a hand on her back he guided her to the couch, reclining at an angle so Sam could lie with her head on his chest and be comfortable.

Em had moved to allow them to sit down "I'm gonna leave you two to talk. Goodnight Baby, night Sam" She gave Danny a quick kiss on his forehead before heading in to the bedroom.

Sam barely acknowledged her leaving and a frown appeared on Danny's features. It wasn't like Sam to treat Em that way even if she was upset. "What did Martin tell you we said in the elevator?" he asked, he had one hand on her upper arm and the other on top of her hand, which was curled in to a fist in his sweater. He was rubbing both in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

"He told me why he left, about meeting Anna, getting her pregnant, about losing the baby and he explained why he over reacted so badly when I told him about the baby." She told him sounding exhausted and void of emotion.

It hurt Danny to hear her sounding like she no longer cared. He may have cleared the air with Martin this afternoon but was beginning to think that he may have reason to be pissed at him again. "That's it? He didn't tell you anything else?"

"Like what?" She asked with a sigh.

Danny frowned again, it sounded to him like Martin hadn't revealed any of his feelings about leaving Anna and loving Sam to her. Danny sighed softly. He knew that something else must have happened for Sam to be this down. He also knew it was up to Martin to let Sam know his feelings but he had to be sure he hadn't said anything so as not to but his foot in it again.

"Did he talk about his feelings for you or Anna?" He asked gently.

Sam looked at him a slight frown on her face. "No. Why did he tell you?" She asked.

"He mentioned them. But you need to ask him Sam. I'm sorry I hate keeping things from you, but it has to be him that tells you." He said giving Sam a gentle squeeze.

"I think he's already made his feelings perfectly clear." She said bitterly.

"Why? What else happened?" Danny asked with a frown.

Again Sam sighed deeply before replying. "We were both in tears when he finished telling me about the baby he and Anna lost. We kissed, it got heated, he pushed me off him walked to the bathroom door and told me to get out before locking the door behind him."

Sam sounded like she was trying not to start crying again and Danny was finding himself getting angry with Martin again. He hated to see one of the two most important people in his life hurting because of someone else. _He got that far why the hell didn't he just tell her he loves her?_ Danny wondered.

"It was stupid of me to think he was in anyway interested in me. It was just because he was upset. He doesn't want more than friendship, if that. I was so stupid" Sam said bitterly, voice full of self contempt.

"Tell me what happened. I mean everything he said and did from when he opened the door." Danny softly demanded.

Sam looked at him for a few moments before turning her face away from his again and told him everything.

By the time she was done she was in tears again. Danny held her as she cried trying to calm her until Sam's sob's eventually quietened and she fell asleep. Once Danny was sure she was out, he got up, moving slowly so as not to wake her, and carried her in to her room placing her gently on the bed, pulling the covers over her.

He watched her for a minuet to make sure she was still sleeping deeply before heading to his own room.

Em was still awake, sat in bed reading. "How is she?" She asked as soon an Danny opened the door.

"Not good. I'll tell you what happened in the morning, if that's okay?" He asked, grabbing some sweats and an old t-shirt to sleep in.

"No problem. You gonna stay with her tonight?" She asked

"Yeah. I wanna be there in case she wakes up or has a nightmare or anything." He replied as he changed.

"Sounds like a good idea" Em smiled at him. It wasn't the first time Danny had spent the night with Sam in her bed while she slept and it probably wouldn't be the last. But Em trusted him and knew there never was and never will be anything sexual between them. Honestly Em was glad Danny cared as much for Sam as he did and was willing to hold her while she slept even if there little chance of her waking or needing him. Especially when he could be in bed with his girlfriend instead. It was a good thing in Em's book that he was willing to do that for someone who wasn't even blood family.

Danny kissed her briefly and said goodnight again before returning to Sam. She hadn't stirred while he'd been gone. He quietly slid under the covers and wrapped an arm around her shoulders pulling her close so her head as once again on his chest and he held her tight as she slept.

_Martin you are a stupid bastard sometimes! _Danny thought as he watched Sam sleep._ He breaks her heart again, rejects her and gives no explanation why. And what he did say to her made her think he loves Anna. Great! It breaks my heart to see her in so much pain again. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves to be happy and with Martin. I just hope she finds the strength she needs to tell him how she really feels. Maybe if she tells him then he'll get off his ass and do something about it!_

_She looks so vulnerable right now. Puffy eyes from crying, the tear stains, her hands in tight fists holding my t-shirt. She's like a child clinging to a parent for support, like as long as she does everything will be okay. I just hope I can help her make it okay. I love her so much; she's the baby sister I never had. And her upbringing wasn't so different to mine really. I think that's part of the reason we're so much closer now. I'd do anything for her, I want to protect her from everything that could hurt her. But this time I think the only thing I can do is to promise to be here for her and hold her when she needs me to. It's up to her to tell Martin how she feels. She needs to find that strength herself. I just hope she can._


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Sam woke up early the following morning, still wrapped in Danny's arm's but in bed not on the couch where she remembered falling asleep. She carefully sipped out of his arms so as not to wake him. She walked across the room and picked up a blanket off the chair and wrapped it around her shoulders before heading quietly out of the room.

Sam headed for the sliding doors and walked out on to the balcony. She leaned her arms on the railing, wrapping the blanket tighter around her to protect against the morning chill.

_He rejected me_. Sam thought. _But it doesn't change how I feel. I can't not tell him. I don't want to keep these kinds of feelings hidden. Wow. Three years ago I couldn't tell him because I was scared of being with him, scared of seeming vulnerable. Now I want him to know even though nothing will happen. And it might jeopardize our friendship. But then again not telling him might as well._

Sam sighed deeply as she heard the door slide open then closed. "You ran out on me" Danny started as he wrapped his arms around her "You know if any other woman did that to me I'd be really pissed about now" He joked making her laugh.

"That's better. You want breakfast?" He asked knowing it was stupid to ask her what she was thinking or if she was okay. If Sam wanted to talk about last night she would.

"Not right now. I'm going to tell him how I feel" She started "I know he doesn't want to be with me and it could cause problems with our friendship but I need to tell him anyway. More for my sake than anything I think. I lost him because I didn't tell him how I feel. It's to late now but I have to tell him."

Danny looked down at her with a smile "I think that would be a good idea Sammie"

Sam twisted in his arms to look up at Danny "Thank you. For last night, for supporting me and for always being there." She hugged him tightly for a few moments before letting him go "It's early, you should go and join your girl in bed for a while. I'm fine" She added seeing him about to argue.

"Works for me!" He smirked "You know where I am if you need me." He added giving her a last, brief hug before returning inside.

Sam watched his retreating form before turning back to look over the city. She knew that Danny didn't hold it against her that he spent the night with her and not Em. She also knew that he would have happily stayed out here with her and he only left because he knew she needed some time to herself for a while.

There was a time when she would have pushed him away when she wanted him to stay and she wouldn't consider going to him later if she really needed him. But she wasn't afraid of that anymore. And Danny knew she'd come to him if she changed her mind about wanting space so was happy to do as she asked.

Sam continued to look over the city trying to decide where, when and how to tell Martin she loved him.

-------------

Martin barely slept and eventually gave up, leaving Anna asleep in bed. He headed for the lounge and stood in front of the window's looking out over the city.

_Sam must think I don't want her now. How could she not after how I treated her last night. _Martin thought with a deep sigh. _I have to tell Anna I want out. And I have to do it today._

Martin had felt awful when Anna came in last night and crept in to bed with him. She'd seemed quieter since they'd come to New York. He knew it was mostly his fault they weren't communicating much, but he did wonder why she wasn't trying much to make things work.

He was a little bit worried about it if he was honest. Thoughts kept running through his head like did she know about his and Sam's baby? Or that he still had feelings for her?

He knew he had to talk to her and end it soon, but a part of him was terrified that even if he did, because of last night, Sam wouldn't want to be with him. For that matter he didn't know for sure if she wanted to be with him before hand. He thought she did, Danny had hinted that she did and that if he were to leave Anna for her, Sam would have him.

But after last night he wouldn't be surprised if Sam didn't want to talk to him and Danny showed up at his door to give him another piece of his mind. And this time he'd probably get more than just pinned to a wall.

"Hey, you're up early. You want some coffee?" Anna's voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Uh…no thanks." He replied after a second. Anna came up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him in for a kiss.

"Come back to bed then" She said seductively as she pulled away, holding on to his arm to pull him with her.

"I'm sorry. I have a load of paperwork to do. I want to get through it as quickly as I can so that the rest of my weekend's free" He said pulling out of her grip with an apologetic and slightly guilty expression. It wasn't a total lie. He did have work to do but it could wait and probably wouldn't take too long. But he wasn't about to have sex with the woman he wanted to leave, it wasn't fair.

"Okay. I'll let you off this time but you owe me mister" She said mock sternly as she wandered back to the bedroom.

Martin sighed watching her go waiting until he heard the door close before turning back to look out the window. He knew that it had to be today. He couldn't keep lying to Anna, or Sam for that matter, about his feelings. Anna is a decent person and didn't deserve to be treated the way he was treating her. She deserved someone who cared about her. And not someone who spent all his time with her wishing she was someone else.

Martin continued to look out at the city trying to figure out where, when and how to tell Anna he was leaving her. He needed to let Sam know he was in love with her and would do anything to get her back.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Martin was sitting nervously on the couch. The TV was on but Martin didn't see the picture, his mind was full of what he was about to do. Anna was in the kitchen getting a drink and talking to Martin although he barely heard anything she said.

His foot was bouncing up and down on the carpet, his hands were slightly sweaty and his eyes kept sweeping to the clock. He really didn't want to hurt this woman. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been treating her either though and Martin felt very guilty about that.

He liked to think of himself as a descent guy. A guy who wouldn't consider cheating on any girl he was dating, let alone cheating on a woman he was going to marry! He knew his feelings for Sam weren't going to change and that Anna deserved to be with someone who loved her, that didn't think of her as second best. The guilt he felt for lying to her and deceiving her was consuming his every waking, and sleeping usually, moment.

So as much as he didn't want to hurt her, he knew he was doing more harm by lying to her, to both women, and that he had to come clean.

"Do you want to do anything today? Maybe we could so and see a film? Or go for a walk through Central Park, its something I've always wanted to do" She stated with a smile.

"Anna" Martin started quietly.

"Or you could show me around New York some more? I haven't been here before and it's been years since you have so you could see what's changed since you've been gone" She continued heading for the couch, drink in hand, not hearing him.

_What's changed?_ He thought as Anna sat on the edge of the couch flicking through the paper. _Well Sam, she's happier. Danny is settling down with a woman he loves. Vivian and Elena are much the same but both seem happy. Then there's Rick. Really don't know what to make of him but Sam and Danny seem to trust him a lot and are close to him. What hasn't changed? My feelings for Sam._

"Anna" He tried again, louder and with more confidence. He had to do it now or he would lose his bottle. "We need to talk."

"Okay. What's up?" She asked growing serious as she looked at him

"I…I want out. I can't do this anymore. I've been lying to you and to myself for the past two and a half years. I don't love you." He said quickly, unable to meet her eyes.

Anna stayed silent, just watching him looking shocked.

"I'm sorry. I tried to tell myself I did because of the baby and because I thought being with you would be the right thing to do. And then we lost the baby. I wanted the comfort and I didn't think it would be fair to leave you so soon after losing the baby." Martin continued trying to explain.

"I…uhh…I don't understand? Is there someone else? Why move to New York with me if you didn't want to be with me?" Anna asked finding her voice but still struggling for words.

"When you told me there was a chance of coming to New York with your job I was thrilled because I wanted to come back. I thought coming with you would be better than coming alone." He sighed "There is someone else. I was in love with her when I left and I never stopped loving her. But it's been three years since I've seen her and I figured she be with someone else. The man she was with when I left."

"I know it's petty but I thought if I came with you then I could show her I've moved on. That way I wouldn't be coming back the way I left. Single and in love with her, unable to have her. Only she's not with that man; or any other man for that matter. I want to try again with her."

"Want to. So nothings happened between the two of you yet?" She asked voice as hard as nails.

"No." He answered too quickly.

"Really?" Anna asked in a voice that told Martin she knew he was lying to her and he had better come clean.

"Not really" He corrected. "We've kissed. Nothing serious, just a kiss. Once." _And we got carried away and nearly had sex._ He added silently.

"You bastard!" Her voice rising in anger. "Answer me this. Is it Samantha? The one you work with?"

"Yes." Martin looked straight in to her eyes as he said it. The pain and anger he saw there made him flinch and he looked quickly away, his guilt doubling. But he wasn't going to lie to her about Sam. He'd lied to her enough already. He needed her to see that he meant what he was saying. That they were over. There would be no second chance for them.

"You bastard! You lying, cheating son of a bitch!" She said standing up, glass still in hand. "Get out! Get the fuck out!"

"Look I'm sorry Anna. I know it doesn't mean anything but I am" He said trying to reason with her and calm her down.

"You're damn right it doesn't mean anything!"

"I never meant to hurt you. You are a beautiful, caring, fantastic, special woman. I know I should have told you this a long time ago, but I'm telling you now. You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and cared for in a way I can't. I do care about you Anna and I'm so, so sorry I've done this to you."

"Well you have! Get out! I don't want to see you again!" She screamed at him.

Martin stood, hands raised in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll go"

"Good! Go! Go back to your whore! I hope your both very happy together!"

Martin looked at her sharply, eyes blazing "Don't you fucking talk about her that way! I know you're upset with me but that's no reason to talk about her that way."

"Yeah! Does it hurt you to hear me call her that?" She asked as a nasty smile that was full of promise of hateful things crossed her features.

"Truth? Yes it does. Happy now? I'm hurting you so you're going to hurt me by using her? Is that it?" He said taking a step towards her.

"Get out!" She repeated voice once again hard as nails as she advanced on him.

Martin started backing up towards the door. She was hurting and had every right to try and hurt him. But when she used Samantha like that he wasn't going to stand around and say nothing. _But it's your fault she's hurting so much. _A little voice in his head told him.

Anna stopped a few feet from Martin and he stopped as well. "I am sorry Anna. Whether you believe me or not, I am." He said quietly a few feet from the door. He stepped towards her, arms out, reaching for her to comfort her.

"Don't you fucking touch me! You bastard! Get out! Get the fuck out!" She pushed his arms away from her violently and threw the glass at him. Martin ducked just in time as the glass shattered in to the wall where his head had just been.

"I'm gone" He said quickly as he took one last look at her face. Eyes full of pain and anger, tears streaming down her cheeks and dripping on to her shirt. He went out the door.

Closing it quickly behind him he took a deep breath and let it out shakily, leaning against the door. Martin had meant it when he said he was sorry and she deserved much better. He felt twice as guilty now then he did before he told her having seen the pain and hurt in her eyes. But he also felt very relived. He'd done what he should have done years ago. He didn't have to look in to her honest and caring eyes everyday and lie to her.

Martin stood there for a few more moments taking deep breaths. He walked out of the building to his car and got in. In a sports bag in the trunk was some spare clothing, a couple of suits hung from the hooks in the back of the car and the other vital things he would require for the next few days were also safely tucked in to the bag.

Once he was sure Anna had returned to sleep that morning, he had quietly and quickly grabbed what he assumed he would need. He made sure his keys, cell phone and wallet were on his person before placing the rest in the car.

He started the engine let it run for a few seconds before turning it off again and resting his forehead on the steering wheel. He knew that Anna wouldn't take the news well and that she would be hurt but he still wasn't expecting her to react that badly. He was going to miss Anna. Leaving her hurt him too. He wasn't lying when he told her she was a special woman and that he cared about her. But he'd done what he'd had to. His thoughts slid to what was going to happen next.

_What now? I can't go and stay with Danny, Em and Sam. I don't want to force my presence on her. And of course there's still the possibility Danny will kick my ass for last night._ Martin thought about it for a few minuets more before deciding the best thing he could do was to go to a hotel.

He needed a little more time before talking to Sam. He needed to know how she felt about him after last night before declaring his undying love for her. But he also needed time to wind down and get over Anna. He couldn't spend two and a half years together and get over her just like that, whether he was in love with another woman or not.

Starting the engine again he pulled the car out in to the traffic and headed off in to a very uncertain future.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sam was nervous. It was mid Monday morning and she was about to tell Martin how she feels about him.

She was going to see him on Saturday but then he had called Danny and kyboshed that idea. Apparently Martin told Danny that he was going to be unavailable for an ass kicking until Monday at work. Danny laughed at him. He told Martin things were cool and he'd talk to him at work.

Sam had ended up spending her weekend thinking about what she was going to say to Martin and when. She knew it would have to be at work and although she didn't want to make things awkward at work for the remainder of the day, she was worried that if she didn't do it in the morning she would chicken out.

So here she was sat at her desk constantly glancing at the clock and fiddling nervously with her pen. She was running over what she wanted to say and how she was going to approach the subject in her head. He had seemed a little off this morning, something was bothering him and Sam wanted to help if she could. Or at the very least not make it worse by making him feel uncomfortable by her revelations.

_But you have to tell him. It's wrong to keep him in the dark about something like this._ A small voice in her head told her. And Sam knew that the voice was right but that didn't make it easier. The last thing she wanted to do was to ruin any potential friendship they may have or to make it difficult for them to work together.

She glanced over at the man in question and saw he was talking to Danny, both clearly avoiding the paper work they were supposed to be doing. But then again so was she. She looked back at the clock and tapped her pen on her coffee mug again.

Danny's phone rang and he left his perch on the edge of Martin's desk to answer it. Sam watched him move across to his desk and took a deep breath. Standing up she walked across to Martin's desk stopping beside him. "Can we talk?" She asked sounding surer than she felt.

Martin looked at her curiously trying to read the emotions crossing her face. "Sure" he turned his chair to face her leaning back to look up at her.

"Not here" She said with a small shake of her head turning away from him and walking out of the bullpen towards the balcony door. Martin glanced at Danny on the phone quickly as he was currently the only other one in the office, before following Sam.

"What's up?" Martin asked as he closed the balcony door behind him.

"Uh…I…um" Sam tried, flustered and suddenly very unsure. "Okay. This could be kind of hard or awkward anyway but I just want you to listen to me. No interruptions okay because I really need to get this out in the open. Okay?" She said hurriedly.

"Okay." Martin replied now wearing a small frown. If Sam was this worked up he couldn't see it being anything good she was about to say.

"I love you." She blurted out "That's what this is about. I've been in love with you for a really long time and you need to know that. I went through hell when you left and some of that was because of the way you left me. But I'm not mad at you for it, or not anymore anyway. It's in the past and that's where it's going to stay.

"I have dreamt of what could have been. You and me and our baby. But I'm almost certain it wouldn't have worked because at the time I wasn't ready. As hard as everything that has happened to me has been I know it's all for the best.

"I've missed you so much. Seeing you suddenly show up again with a fiancée was hard. Knowing you were prepared to have a baby with her so soon after meeting her was harder. But I am happy for you. I love you Martin and although I want to be with you, it's more important to me that you're happy.

"I know that you don't feel the same way about me and that's okay. I don't think I will ever be over you but I can move on from you and move on with my life. I really do wish you and Anna the best of luck. I want us to be friends. I understand if you don't want to be or don't think it would be a good idea but I would like to try.

"I'm telling you all of this because I don't want our professional relationship to be strained by unsaid thoughts and feelings. I'm telling you because I think you have a right to know. And because I have shared a lot of secrets over the past three years and I don't want to start keeping them with you again now. I want to be able to be as open and honest with you as I am the others. Or try at any rate.

"So that's what I wanted to say. I love you but I know that the feelings aren't reciprocated and that I'm okay with that. Well I will be." Sam finished. She had been watching his face through everything she'd said but looked at the ground as she finished. She had been confident whilst telling him her feelings but now she was nervous again to see what his reaction would be.

Martin had done as she asked and stayed silent whilst she talked. He was shocked. Shocked that she had said those three little words he had been desperate to hear for so long. He stared at her for a few moments after she finished trying to work out what he wanted to say or rather how best to say it.

"Sam" He started "I…" But he didn't get any further as the door suddenly opened making both agents jump.

"We gotta case. Need you two inside now" Vivian said heading straight back inside.

"We need to finish this later" Martin said seriously. Sam nodded her agreement as they headed after Vivian.


	18. Chapter 17

A/N Sorry for the lack of updates I have had ongoing computer problems. Damn technology! However to compensate you get the next four chapters in one go! Enjoy and please continue to r&r. Thanks:)

**Chapter 17**

It had been a tough case for the whole team. The missing was a 10 year old girl who was abducted and killed. They had found her body in the basement of her step-fathers' parents' house. He had killed her because he thought she was trying to get him to leave her mother.

Everyone was feeling pretty low so they decided to go out for a drink to decompress. They had headed to a bar just a couple of blocks from the FBI building. It was where they usually went when they needed the time to deal with some of the feelings attached to a case like this one before going home.

They were sat around a table in the corner all slowly sipping their drinks in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, eyes on their drinks or the table. Vivian sat between Danny and Martin, Sam was sat opposite Martin with Rick next to her and Elena next to him opposite Danny.

Martin looked over the table at Sam. He hadn't had a lot of time to think about what she had said earlier but he was thinking about it now. His mind kept switching from images of the girl lying in a pool of blood, her blood, to Sam on the balcony saying those three little words he'd waited so long to hear.

He wasn't to sure where to go from here. He knew what he felt for her and what he wanted to tell her but it was still complicated. With their past and how things were now. Martin knew he'd have to be careful about how he approached it because if he screwed up again then not only would he not get another chance with her but Danny and Rick would probably kick his ass half way to the moon.

There had been a couple of moments through the day when Martin had been reminded of the closeness between the two and he had wondered again how they had ended up so close.

Sensing eyes on her Sam looked up across the table and looked straight in to the deep blue pools she dreamt of. Martin met her gaze with a ghost of a smile. He slid his leg out under the table and rested it against hers. "You okay?" he mouthed. Sam gave a slight shake of her head and pulled her gaze, and leg, away from his.

All Sam wanted to do was to curl up in Martins arms and let him make her forget the day they'd had, make the images of the girl in her head disappear. But she'd told him how she felt and what she expected. Telling him they could be friends was very hard for her and she defiantly didn't need that line blurred. It would be too easy to slip and do something she'd regret. She had Danny and Rick to comfort her tonight and she needed a clean break with her and Martin.

The looks between them didn't go unnoticed by Rick. He leaned back in his chair and placed his arm around Sam's shoulders. She leaned back and rested her head on his shoulder as he made small circles with his fingers on her upper arm.

Rick knew that Sam and Martin had things to work out and he wasn't going to stand in the way or try and give any advice. But he knew Sam was hurting a lot after the case today and now wasn't the time for Martin to start trying to patch things up. He wasn't about to let Martin forget that Sam had Danny and himself to take care of her when she was upset.

Danny saw Rick reach out for Samantha and he glanced down the table at Martin. Martin looked a little bit hurt and quickly looked back at the table. Rick's face remained impassive and open. He wasn't trying to be possessive or tell Martin to be careful what he did or said. He was subtly telling him 'Not now' unfortunately Martin hadn't know Rick long enough or well enough to understand that. He assumed that Rick was not only going to stop him talking to Sam but also stop Sam from talking to him. _He needs to get to know Rick and soon or this is gonna cause problems._ Danny thought watching Sam snuggle in closer to Rick and Martin's face fall further.

"Well I'm outta here." Vivian suddenly said standing and pulling her coat on "I want to get home and see my son. I'll see you guys tomorrow." She gave the team a weak smile as she left, placing some cash on the table to cover drinks.

"Yeah me too. I wanna say goodnight to my little girl." Elena said, also standing and getting her things "Night all"

"Night" The four remaining agents echoed quietly.

Martin took a deep breath and cleared his throat as Vivian and Elena left. "Sam" He started slightly nervous "Can we talk? In private?" He asked looking at Rick pointedly.

"Easy, Marty" Danny warned quietly.

Sam raised her head off of Rick's shoulder but didn't pull away from him. She frowned at Martin across the table before placing her head back on Rick's shoulder.

"It's been a tough day. Why don't we just leave this for tomorrow?" Rick asked gently trying to an argument as well as avoiding making Sam's day worse.

Martin glared at Rick "Why don't you stay out of it? I get that you and Sam are close but this is between us." He said tensely.

"I'm not trying to get in the way or protect Sam or anything like that. I'm just saying that this has been a hard day and there's no point making it worse when you don't have to." Rick said calmly meeting Martins glare with ease.

"Not your decision to make!" Martin said angrily.

"Martin right now you're the one trying to make the decision, not Rick. It's not just up to you." Sam said sitting up a little but still staying in Rick's grip.

Martin instantly backed down, apologetic "Sorry. I just thought…"

"Yeah I think I can guess what you're thinking Martin." She interrupted him "But you're wrong. Please don't get mad at Rick. All he's trying to do is to be a friend to me. He knows that what we have to discuss is between us. I didn't answer you when you asked to talk because I'm tired, it's been a long, hard day and I don't want to deal with 'this' now. Rick saw that and just said that maybe now isn't the right time." She said exhausted. She had a headache and really didn't want to do this now.

Rick stayed put where he was and let Sam do the talking. It wasn't his place to say anything. But he wasn't happy with where this conversation was going. He didn't like to see Sam hurt. The problem was he could see that Martin cared deeply for Sam and was struggling with what to do about it.

He knew he shouldn't judge Martin on what he'd heard in the past and he didn't want to. But he was beginning to see why Danny had been so mad with him, why Danny wanted to keep him away from Sam and protect her. As much as Martin cared for her he kept hurting her. But thankfully, for Marin's sake at least, he was better at keeping his temper in check and knowing when to stay out of it.

"Anyway don't you have to get home before your fiancée starts wondering where you are?" Sam asked tiredly.

"Actually no, I don't. We're over. We split up on Saturday" All three agents looked at Martin shocked. Danny's shocked expression quickly turned in to a smirk and he looked away.

"You…uhh…what happened?" Sam stuttered.

"I ended it. I have feelings for someone else." Martin said looking straight in to Sam's eyes.

Neither Danny nor Rick were surprised by his admission but Sam clearly was.

"So like I said, can we please talk in private?" Martin asked again, much calmer now Rick had shut up.

Sam glanced at all three men sat with her. Danny and Rick both looked at her but kept their expressions neutral. It was her choice to make and they weren't going to influence it. She knew they would be okay with it as long as she was. The problem was she wasn't sure she was prepared to hear what Martin had to say.

She had prepared herself for Martin to say he didn't think it would be good for them to be friends because of her feelings, given their past. She was not expecting him to say that he had feelings for her too. Let alone that he had left his fiancée because of them.

_Oh my God! He left Anna because of his feelings for me? He has feelings for me? Strong feelings for me? I'm not sure I can do this now. What did he mean he left her because of feelings for someone else. Why did he stop the other night and tell me to leave if he has these feelings? Why didn't he tell me about these feelings?_

Sam realized there was only one way to get the questions in here head answered was to talk to him. "Okay. Let's talk."


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Okay. Let's talk." Sam said as she stood.

"Great" Martin replied relieved.

Danny and Rick watched the two leave the bar in silence and then looked at each other for a moment. "I'll get the next round" Danny offered. Neither man was going to leave until Martin and Sam were finished. And from where they were sat they had a good view of them stood outside the bar, through the window.

Sam walked through the door without looking at Martin. She had her arms wrapped tightly around herself and was clearly very tense and apprehensive. She walked a few feet before stopping and turning to Martin.

"Okay, talk" She ordered wanting to get this over as quickly as possible. She was finding it really hard to keep her hands off him. He was now single, stood in front of her and had said that he had feelings for her. All that plus the alcohol in her system and a bad day meant it was a real effort for her to not jump him. Also she couldn't help noticing how hot he was with that blue shirt and his tie loose. So much like the first night they spent together only without the terrible pink shirt!

Martin looked at the ground, wondering where and how to start, how to explain everything to her without screwing it up. He was struggling not to kiss her. He wanted to kiss away the confusion and hurt and make everything okay, to really show her how he felt. He wanted to erase the images of the case from both their minds. He loved her with her hair loose, the way it was that fateful first night they spent together. It was how he loved it most.

"I…uhh…okay" He gave a small nervous laugh "I love you." He started watching for her reaction "I left Anna because I'm in love with you. I stopped us the other night because I didn't want us to start a relationship that way. And because I although I love you I do care about Anna. She's a good person who doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Or I couldn't live with the guilt of sleeping with another woman, regardless of how much I care about that other woman." He added realizing what he had already done with Sam counted as cheating.

After what he'd said in the bar Sam wasn't to shocked by what he said but there was something that didn't quite add up. She frowned "Does Danny know?" She asked thinking about how he reacted in the bar a few moments ago.

"Yes. I told him when we were stuck in that elevator." Martin told her honestly. He knew it was going to hurt her, and although he really didn't want to cause her more hurt, he knew that lying to her would hurt her even more.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked feeling hurt that he'd told Danny and not her "Why did you kick me out the other night? We could have saved ourselves a lot of confusion, hurt and me a lot of tears!" She added.

"I know I was wrong to treat you that way but it's what I had to do. I'm sorry Sam." Martin said gently. He walked towards her looking longingly in to her eyes "If I'd told you how I felt then there's no way I could have not made love to you."

Martin placed his hands lightly on her upper arms, stepping closer to her so they were just inches apart. He slowly leaned down and his lips softly, questioningly met hers. Sam moved her lips with his relishing in the feel of them, the sensations such a small action was causing in her. She parted her lips allowing him to explore the inside of her mouth. Martin moaned softly moving a hand to her back and one to her hair pulling her closer, deepening the kiss further.

"Martin, stop." It took all the will power Sam had to say it but she needed to. She wasn't sure she could trust him and even less sure this was a good idea because he'd just left Anna. Martin continued to kiss her. "Stop." She said more forcefully as she pulled out of his embrace, eyes closed trying to regain control of her body.

Martin looked at her confused, hurt and slightly breathless. "Something wrong?" He asked watching her closely. His body was acutely aware of her still close proximity and his lips were still tingling with the sensations she gave him.

You left me" Sam started "Then you shop up out of the blue three years later with a fiancée. Then you tell me that you wanted to be with me, to have a family with me. Then you fail to tell me that you love me but you tell my best friend. Just after this you kiss me and it gets heated and you just throw me out. Now you're telling me you love me, left you're fiancée for me and you're kissing me again! Forgive me for not just jumping you but how do I know you're not going to pull away again?" She asked frustrated.

"You don't" He answered honestly glancing at the ground before looking at her again silently willing his body to calm down. "But I can honestly tell you that I don't want to you again and that I will do what ever it takes for us to work. I want this to work." Martin said stepping towards Sam again.

Sam held up her hand and stepped back again. "I think we need some time. I want to be with you, I really do but we need to do this right. You only just left Anna and I'm not sure I'm willing to just be with you a few days later. Can we take some time here? No wait. We _will_ take some time here. That's what its going to take for us to have a chance and you have to be honest with me. No lies between us okay?" She asked.

"Okay. What ever you want. I want to make this work" He assured her again.

"Okay. Good" Sam smiled "I'll see you tomorrow" She added hailing a cab. She stepped to the cab. Pausing at the door she turned back to Martin "I really want this to work as well. I've missed you" She said simply outwardly calm but inside her body was still fizzing from the contact with him. She so desperately wanted to invite him back with her like that fateful night but logic told her it would be a bad idea and she listened to it.

"I've missed you too." Martin smiled at her, watching the cab pull away. Martin hailed his own cab and headed home still smiling, body still tingling. Things were beginning to look up.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The rest of the week had gone by fairly quickly and smoothly. Sam and Martin had been getting on well as friends, learning and re-learning little things about the other. Things were still a little bit tense between Martin and Rick, although the hostility was mainly coming from Martins end, but that was something that wouldn't be rectified until they'd spent some time together getting to know each other.

It was now Sunday and Sam was glad she wasn't working. With everything that had been happening over the last two weeks she'd pretty much forgotten the most basic chores, like laundry and grocery shopping. They were at the top of her to do list. But as Danny and Em had gone out for the day, Sam had the place to herself and all she wanted to do was to relax and enjoy the space

She was stood in her room looking at the mountain of laundry there was to do. Sighing Sam started sorting the lights from darks. If she didn't do it today then she'd be left with virtually nothing to wear except the oldest and scruffiest of clothes and underwear.

She had just shoved all the light garments in to the basket to carry down to the basement when she heard a knock at the door. She frowned slightly wondering who it was as she headed towards it.

"Hi" Martin said slightly nervous as Sam opened the door.

"Hey" She replied smiling. "What are you doing here? Not that it isn't a nice surprise to see you, cause it is but…uh" Sam looked at the floor laughing nervously realising she was rambling.

Martin's smile grew seeing her flustered. "I was just passing and wondered if maybe you'd like to do something. Maybe go for a walk or see a film or something? I mean I can't spend all day sitting around in a hotel room and some things are much more fun with good company than alone." He said lightly not wanting to put any pressure on her.

"Oh, well I'd love to but I kinda have other plans. Nothing with anyone if that's what you're thinking." She added seeing his disappointment.

"No its fine" He regained his smile but it was slightly forced now "I should have called or something first. No worries. I'll see you at work then." He turned to leave but Sam reached out for him to stop him.

"Or you could keep me company instead?" She asked her hand still on his arm "See I kinda got behind on laundry and I gotta do some grocery shopping. Boring as hell but it needs doing. Danny and Em are out for the day so maybe instead of me keeping you company, you can keep me company and try and make the chores less boring? If that's at all possible!" She laughed.

"Well they are extremely boring tasks. I might be better off just going ahead with my plans by myself." He pretended to seriously consider it.

"Jerk! Sam slapped his arm lightly pretending to be upset, crossing her arms across her chest and pouting.

"Hey!" Martin laughed. "Alright, alright if it saves me being beaten up then I'll stay. But no promises about making anything more interesting. Of course if I do this for you than you owe me big time! Especially because you hit me!" He joked trying to keep a straight face and be serious. "I might even have to make you come apartment hunting with me for it." He added looking all innocent.

Sam laughed not buying the innocence for a second. "Well then I'll just have to make sure I treat you well today then so you don't feel the need to put me through that kind of hell!" Martin cracked and laughed with her.

"Come in." Sam moved out of the way and held the door open for him.

"Thanks" He said brushing past her although there was enough space that he could have walked past her without touching her. "So where are we starting? Laundry or groceries?" He asked walking in to the room further.

"Laundry." Sam answered going to her room and grabbing the now full basket. "Come on. Machines are in the basement. Can you grab the door?" Sam asked.

"Sure" He held it open, eyes following her.

"Oh keys! There on the table can you grab them please?" Sam asked turning sharply and nearly crashing in to Martin.

"No problem. Good thing you remembered now!" He smiled grabbing her keys and closing the door behind him.

"Shut up. Unless you wanna get hit again?" She jokingly threatened. Martin laughed as he hit the down button for the elevator.

They put the clothes in the washer and then went back upstairs to get the second load. They decided to wait for the laundry to finish before going back upstairs. They spent the time talking about films, which ones they had seen and wanted to see and what they thought of them. The conversation was flowing easily and they were playfully arguing over certain points or opinions on films.

Martin had come over hoping to spend some time with Sam, just Sam, without the rest of the team around. He wanted to be able to talk with her without everyone else watching him closely in case he screwed up. But he wasn't expecting things to be this easy with them. He was really enjoying her company and they hadn't stopped laughing and messing around since he showed up.

"So how does it work with you, Danny and Em all living together?" He asked curious.

"How do you mean?" Sam asked pulling the clothes out of the dryer.

"I mean like groceries, rent and just generally living together. I mean what are you guys gonna do when they get married?" He elaborated.

"Well we take it in turns to get the groceries, and any extras we need we just buy ourselves. Rent and other bills get split three ways. And it works well the three of us together. I've actually been living with Danny since I left hospital after the accident. Although I was doing better I was still getting tired quickly and was in a deep depression so the doctors said I wasn't allowed to live alone so Danny made me move in with him.

"A week or so after he and Em got engaged, they came in after being out for the day and said that we were moving. They'd gone and found an apartment and signed a lease for it without my knowledge. They both thought that it would be better that way. I still had a lot of recovering emotionally to do and the best way for them to help with that was to allow me to continue to live with Danny.

"Also Em and I had developed a friendship of sorts and because she was dating Danny she became a lot more involved in my recovery than just as my physical therapist. And it's defiantly worked out for the best. As for when they get married, I'll move out. And I'm okay with that too. This has been what I needed but I need to get on with my life alone again.

"Besides It will be fantastic to have my own space again! Don't get me wrong I love them both to bits but if I have to walk in on them in the middle of a heavy make-out session on the couch again, I'm gonna kick both of them out!" Sam laughed and Martin joined her.

They continued to talk about the two lovebirds as they folded the clothing and Sam kept telling Martin little stories about the two which some times had them both close to tears with laughter.

Sam was really enjoying having Martin around. They smoothly went about sorting her laundry as if they'd been doing it for years. There wasn't any awkwardness between them Sam was surprised to realize. She was really glad he had come over and that they could spend some time alone. She knew that the others meant well but they, Danny especially, were being a little over protective so it was nice to be free of that tension and find that they really didn't seem to have anything to worry about. Yet anyway.

As they re-entered the apartment, arms full of clean laundry that now required ironing, Sam realised it was lunch time already and that she was hungry.

"I'm gonna grab lunch and leave the ironing for later. Do you want anything?" She asked "Or is that a stupid question?" She smirked remembering how he always used to be hungry and eat anything around.

Martin laughed, eyes shining and Sam felt her knees go weak. She'd forgotten just how good this man made her feel. Tearing her eyes off him and hiding her blush she busied her self with putting thee laundry out the way in her room. "I'll take that as a yes, that was a stupid question." She managed to get out.

She managed to get herself under control and went back out in to the kitchen. She pulled the refrigerator door open and looked inside as Martin leaned on the counter beside her "Only problem with my plan. No food. Hence the needing to go grocery shopping!" She added closing the door and looking at Martin. "Any ideas?"

"Well why don't we grab a sub or something and then get the groceries?" Martin suggested.

"Only if you're buying" She replied giving him one of her cheeky smiles that made him forget where he was. She headed for the door grabbing her keys and the shopping list. It was only when she was stood at the door waiting for him that he realised he hadn't moved. Quickly he moved toward the door and grabbed his coat keeping his head down hoping she didn't see the effect she had on him.

They began talking again once in the car and again the conversation was flowing well. Sam told him about the first time she met Rick and about some of the times Rick had helped her out. Martin realized that he had probably misjudged Rick and his actions. He realized he would need to get to know him better and that he would probably be a good guy to know. Sam was playing with him when they were shopping and they were laughing about everything else again.

---------

Sam climbed in to bed that night with a big smile on her face. She had had a really good time with Martin. They had talked about a lot of things but not mentioning 'them' or Anna. There had been a few moments through out the day when they had brushed hands or bodies when doing the chores and getting lunch. Every time it happened it sent shocks through Sam's body and made her gasp slightly. From what she could tell it did the same to Martin. They would look at each other for a few seconds until one of them continued the conversation they were having.

She had so desperately wanted to reach out and kiss him so many times. Her whole body was tingling from his presence. They had talked until 10.30 when Danny and Em got in and Martin decided it was probably about time he left seeing as they all had to work the next day.

The way they went about all the chores was as smooth as if they'd been doing together for years. Things were comfortable between them and Sam wanted it all to stay that way. She knew they had a way to go to being together again and for everything to be ok but she thought they were doing well so far.

She fell asleep that night dreaming of him. Dreaming of a future with him, of a life falling asleep in his arms and waking up in them instead of alone. She dreamt of his beautiful blue eyes and his smile and the dimples she loved so much. She slept soundly her dreams only of him.

---------

Several blocks away Martin was lying in bed at the hotel unable to sleep. He had only left her about 45 minuets ago but he was already missing her. He had really enjoyed himself. He was actually glad that she was busy with laundry when he showed up. They had a really good chance to talk without any pressure. There was no way what they had done could be seen as a date so they could spend the day as friends and not worry about 'them'.

He had wanted to kiss her so badly but knew they had a lot of things to go through be fore that would be a good idea. Still it had proved to be a real battle to not. His body was still tingling from the close contact he'd had with her. Every time he'd touched her, always deliberately, it had taken every ounce of willpower he had to not kiss her.

He was glad things were comfortable with them and he knew it was important for them to be friends first and to work on that. But he wanted more and he wanted it now.

He finally fell asleep dreaming of her, of being with her again, of falling asleep with her in his arms, of waking up with her in his arms. He slept dreaming of a future with her, of her deep, liquid brown eyes, of the way her smile lit up her face when she laughed and of the way her long blonde hair fell in soft waves over shoulders. He slept soundly his dreams only of her.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Martin walked in to work a few days later and greeted Sam, Danny and Elena who were already sat at the conference table. A quick glance around showed that Rick's bag and coat were at his desk so he was also around somewhere. He placed his things at his desk before taking a seat at the table next to Sam giving her an extra smile, which she eagerly returned. Although the team's attitude hadn't changed much, they were still keeping a close eye on Martin, he and Sam were less bothered by it since their day together.

"Morning everyone," Vivian started as she walked through the bullpen to the board. Rick followed her but he stopped and stood by the desk. "Missing is 32 year old Laura Miles. She is a language teacher who was reported missing by her husband Anthony Miles after her boss called home after she didn't show up at work for a department meeting yesterday. Parents, sister and friends haven't heard from her. Sam, Elena, go to her home and speak with the family. Danny, check out her phone and credit records. Martin, Rick, head over to her school and talk to her colleagues. I have a meeting upstairs but keep me informed. Get to it." She headed back out of the bullpen again.

Martin was surprised to be partnered with Rick. It was the first time they had been asked to work with each other but he thought that it may be a good chance for them to get to know each other better. Martin glanced at Rick as he stood and gave him a slight smile. Rick gave him a blank look in return as they headed toward the elevator. _Then again this might be a long day._

"Give him a chance" Sam said seeing the silent exchange. "He's really a good guy." She smiled "I'll see you later"

"_Give him a chance"_ Sam's words echoed in his head as they walked out to the car, Rick two paces ahead of him. He wasn't sure it would do any good or even if he wanted to, but it clearly meant a lot to Sam that they got along so he was willing to try.

-------------

By lunch time they had no solid leads on their missing person's location but Martin was getting very fed up with Rick's attitude. The car journey to the school had been made in silence as had the hour and a half they spent waiting at the school to speak to the principal. Martin had attempted to start a conversation with him several times but his questions were met with one word answers and his comments that were not to do with the case were met with silence.

They were now stuck in traffic on the way back to the office. The traffic was at a stand still because of an accident ahead and they hadn't moved more than 3 car lengths in 20 minutes. Rick was driving and was pretty chilled out listening to the radio tapping out the tune on the steering wheel. Martin on the other hand was getting more and more frustrated and annoyed by the minute. He glared at Rick and glared at his offending fingers.

Rick saw Martins glare out of the corner of his eye and started to tap out the beat louder as Martin turned and looked out the window. He wondered what and how long it would take for Martin to snap and say something.

Martin looked out of the window and took several deep breaths reminding himself that he had to try for Sam. But as he heard Rick increase the volume of his tapping he couldn't take it any longer.

"Will you knock that off?" He snapped. Rick looked at him blankly quieting his tapping but not stopping it. "I mean what is it with you? I get that you care about Sam. I get that you want to protect her. I get that you two are close. But I'm trying here!"

Martin was frustrated and his voice was raised. "I know it means a lot to Sam that we get on and I want to make her happy so I'm trying. But you're not making it easy. I mean I try to have a conversation with you and you blank me! You're making no effort here!"

Martin was almost shouting at him now but still Rick didn't react. He just sat there with that same blank look never wavering. Martin looked in to his eyes and saw some emotion there but couldn't decipher it. And he wasn't sure he wanted too.

"Are you just going to sit there? Is that your way of solving this problem!" Still Rick didn't show any sign of emotion except in his eyes. And again Martin didn't care. "I really don't know what the hell it is that Sam sees in you that make's her think you're a good, caring, likeable guy!" Martin turned away and looked out of the window, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths trying to calm down again.

"Can't you see that I want to be with her? That I love her? That I will do whatever it takes to get her back and make her happy?" He said turning back to Rick. Changing tack he lowered his voice and tried to get Rick to see that he wasn't the only one who cared about Sam.

"Martin." Rick started "I can see that you care about her. And I can see that she wants you. But you can't ignore the past. You can move past it but not forget it or pretend it didn't happen. You can't expect the rest of us who have seen what Sam's been through to just let you back in to her life and not keep an eye on you. We want to see her happy and if that means being with you then that's fine. But right now you still need to prove yourself. Prove that you're not going anywhere this time."

He spoke calmly, and with an even tone but there was strength to his words. Not anger as Martin expected but more the strength of knowledge, care, and lack of care probably, at what Martin was saying and doing. Martin thought back to what Sam told him about the night she first met him. He began to think that he was a guy who was quiet but not because he was shy or anything. The opposite in fact. He was the kind of guy who would never be ruffled by anything and could stay calm and quiet when most guys would hit the other guy.

Martin was beginning to respect him and realize why Sam thought so much of him. He was a natural leader that knew his place and was happy to follow orders from his superiors. The kind of guy who wouldn't expect anything of you, who would voice his opinions only when necessary but always have one and never care what anyone else thought of it.. The kind of guy who wouldn't get in the middle of something when it wasn't his place. Sam was probably right to think a lot of him.

Martin sighed realizing that he'd been too harsh in his judgement of Rick. He was just a quiet guy looking out for a close friend. Martin couldn't fault him for that.

"I'm not going anywhere this time. This is where I want to be. Here in New York with Sam. And I will do everything in my power to not hurt her again." Martin said quietly. He was calmer now and feeling a little guilty for snapping at Rick.

"Time will tell." Was all Rick said staring out at the traffic in front of him.

Martin frowned slightly, studying Rick's profile as he still showed no obvious sign of caring. Good guy or not he could be infuriating.

---------

As the agents prepared to leave at the end of the day, missing person found safe and well, Martin still thought that Rick didn't like him but that the dislike was less. There was less tension around them after their talk in the car.

"How'd it go?" Sam asked Martin at his desk as he gathered his things.

"Okay. I think. He's a hard guy to figure out. I think things are a little better but no promises on becoming his best friend or anything." He said with a grin.

"Well that's a start. Thanks for making an effort at least." Sam said shyly.

"Anything for you" Martin said huskily looking in to her eyes.

"Sam you coming?" Danny broke the moment and Sam turned her face away flustered.

"Yeah. Coming." She managed to say. "Bye" She directed at Martin blushing slightly.

"See you tomorrow Sam." Martin told her as she hurried to catch Danny up.

"Bye Martin" Rick replied walking with Sam. She looked at him oddly.

"He's trying." He said off her look.

Sam looked at him as he headed for Vivian's office. That from Rick meant a lot and not just because he and Sam were close. Rick wouldn't say something like that unless he thought that Martin was really trying and was determined not to give in at a minor setback. He was beginning to trust him.

Sam waited with Danny at the elevator and looked back to the bullpen where Martin still was with a thoughtful expression on her features. Maybe it wouldn't be risking so much to be with him again.


	22. Chapter 21

A/N I'm so, so sorry its been so long since I have updated! I have had serious writers block and been ill, and things have been very hectic at work as there are major changes going on. And I apologize to those of you who I told it would only be a day or two before this chapter would be up, life got in the way! I'm hoping to get more up before I go to New York a week on Friday but as things are still pretty hectic here I'm apologizing in advance in case I don't! Hope you enjoy this and please r&r!

**Chapter 21**

"Hey guys" Danny greeted as he opened the door to Rick and Matt a few days later.

"Hey yourself!" Matt smiled brightly as he walked in and made himself comfy on the couch with Rick beside him. "Sam and Em around?"

"I'm right here. You're blind as a bat!" Em laughed leaning over the back of the couch and wrapping her arms around Matt's neck. "How you doing honey?"

"I'm not too bad thanks." He frowned and raised his arm that was still in a cast from the crash, "Apart from this that is! It doesn't hurt but it's annoying as hell not being able to do anything with it!" He looked around hearing a door open and close as Sam came through from her room and he smiled brightly again. "There's my other favourite girl."

Matt reached his good hand and pulled Sam down on to the couch next to him and he gave her a half hug holding her close to him. Sam smiled at him, "Good to see you." Sam and Matt had taken a while to become friends. Matt was loud, hot headed, had a quick temper and was not afraid to share his opinions. Sam first met him about 8 months after meeting Rick. They had gotten in to a heated argument that night and things got worse before they got better because both were so stubborn. But he had turned out to be a sweetie once she got to know him and they had become close friends. Although they did still get in to the odd fight about something that could go on for days they would still be friends through out and laugh with each other about other topics.

"I can't stay I'm afraid guys" Sam said apologetically as she pulled out of Matt's grip and stood "I'm on my way to the gym. See you later Matt." Sam smiled tightly as she left, gym bag in hand.

"See ya." Matt smiled "Well that was a quick exit. Did I do something wrong?" He asked jokingly. Rick had told him things were a little strained between Sam and the boys because of Martin, who he was curious to meet, but he didn't think things were too bad. But he had a feeling he was about to be proved wrong.

Danny looked down briefly before speaking "I have a feeling it's me she's mad at" He admitted.

"Really?" Em said in mock surprise, "I wonder why that could possibly be?" She grinned "I'm just gonna run to the store and pick up a couple of things. I won't be long." Em gave Danny a quick kiss before looking pointedly at Matt as she said "Be good while I'm gone."

Matt held his hands up in mock surrender, trying to look innocent as if to say "You mean me?" Em just laughed as she left.

"Wipe that smirk off your face Taylor. I ain't a trouble maker!" Matt said barely able to contain his own laughter as Rick and Danny laughed at him. "So tell me about Martin. And what's going on between him and Sam." He turned serious as he suddenly changed the subject.

Neither Danny or Rick was surprised by Matt's sudden topic change or his directness with it. Matt didn't do subtle or gentle. "What exactly is it you wanna know?" Danny asked.

"Everything. Just tell me all the detail of what happened between them just before he left and everything that's happened since he came back. None of your thoughts or feelings on it. Just the facts for now." Matt said.

Danny told him about Martin leaving, what happened the day he returned, all the details of their talk in the elevator and everything else that had happened since his friends return. Rick added what had happened with Martin in the car as well.

"So are you still friends with him Danny?" Matt asked.

"Yeah I guess so. I do still like the guy. I just don't trust him not to hurt Sam and screw up again. I can't see her hurt like that again. I know how she feels about him and everything they've been through and I want her to be happy but," He hesitated looking down briefly "I just don't trust him with her after the way he left. I believe him when he says he loves her."

"But the past is making you very protective of Sam. Particularly because of the accident and her depression. Very understandable, you're her big brother. You're meant to look out for her." Matt stated. "Rick?" He questioned turning to him.

"I think he's trying. I don't think he's just gonna jump in to anything with her, not so soon after leaving Anna. I also don't think any of his feelings are because of finding out about the baby he and Sam lost. But I'm also not sure about them getting back together. I don't wanna see her hurt by him again." Rick said with a slight frown.

"She's so happy he's back and they're getting closer everyday. She was so devastated when he left and I don't think she could handle it if they didn't work out again." Danny added.

"Why is there tension between you two and Sam?" Matt asked getting more and more curious.

Danny and Rick exchanged a look. "Uh, well," Danny started a little unsure of how to explain what had happened, "I asked her something and she got a bit, uh, worked up about it and I said something gin response that made her mad at me."

"And I made the mistake of not getting involved. I just watched the conversation and didn't say anything but she lashed out at me regardless." Rick said with a slight curve to his lips.

Matt knew that Sam wouldn't have normally said anything to Rick in that situation, so instantly realized she must be overly sensitive on the subject because she had her own doubts about being with Martin. However due to wanting to be with him, she felt she had to defend herself or Martin against whatever it was Danny said and she was overcompensating. "What did you say?" He asked

"Well, despite my reservations about them being together they both clearly want it and I want them to be happy. I asked Sam why she and Martin were still just friends and if it was because she was enjoying playing hard to get with him. She got kinda flustered and said it was just because they were taking things slow and rebuilding their friendship first. Because of the way she reacted I wondered if there was more to it so I told her she I thought she was scared of being with him again because of what happened."

"Let me guess, she didn't take it too well!" Matt said, more of a statement than a question, knowing Sam wouldn't react well to a comment like that.

"No. She didn't." Danny continued, "She said that she wasn't and said what was wrong with working on their friendship first. Then she turned on me and said that I wasn't being a lot of help because one moment I'm being over protective of her with him and the next urging her to be with him."

"She turned on me as well at that point and accused me of the same before saying we should make up our minds as to whether or not he's a good guy and whether we want her to be with him or not." Rick said.

"Then I continued to make matters worse by saying that I though that if he made her happy then they should be together but it doesn't erase the past so I stand by my right to be over protective and to snap at him to quickly. She said fine, be like that. She repeated that she wasn't scared to be with him again and that they were quite happy just taking their time. Then she stormed off." Danny finished.

Matt looked between the two for a moment before laughing "You're such an idiot sometimes Taylor." Then he looked at Danny seriously. "You're not wrong though. She is scared of being with him again. I don't think she would have reacted like that other wise."

"No me either." Danny agreed.

"Look, I know how much none of us want to see her hurt again, or stop being protective of her, it sounds like he makes her happy." Matt started. For all his hotheadedness and quick assumptions, he was usually pretty accurate in analyzing situations. "It also sounds like he's trying and being good about waiting till she's ready, not pushing it. But Sam being Sam, she's doubting herself, over thinking the situation and thinking the worst. Yes she does need us to look out for her but I think she also needs us to be supportive and let her see that it's not a bad idea to be with him again, and that it's ok to be cautious about it at the same time. I don't think the tension between you guys is there because she's mad or because you're wrong, but because you're right and she's not sure enough in your support of her being with Martin to admit it and talk about it. And I think she's right about that.

"Guys, maybe both you and she need to remember that all relationships require an element of risk and trust, whether you are embarking on a new one or revisiting an old one. She will have to overcome that if she is ever going to be happy, and as her friends you need to be supportive of that regardless of your opinions. She needs you to push her along that road, not pull her back."


	23. Chapter 22

Sorry this has taken so long guys, things have gone really crazy for me lately and that's why this has taken so long. Next chapter is already half done so it should be up soon!

**Chapter 22**

"Hey, Martin" Sam said as she walked back in to the office. She had been with Danny talking to the family of their latest missing person. "Found anything in those credit card receipts yet?" She asked.

"Just that she likes to shop. A lot! But nothing relevant to her disappearance yet." Martin stated before looking up and smiling. "Where's Danny?"

"Oh he stayed with me till we hit Subway. Then he realized it had already been too long between meals and decided to get something to eat." Sam said smiling glad to be able to talk with Martin without anyone else around for once.

"I agree with Danny. I'm starting to feel hungry too." Martin said.

Sam laughed, "It can't be much more than an hour and a half since you guys had breakfast!"

"More like two hours!" Martin said defensively, but unable to hide his smile.

"Oh my sincere apologies for being half an hour out!" Sam said mockingly, laughing.

Martin laughed again before looking away and down slightly nervously. "Sam," He started suddenly more serious. "Do you want to have dinner? Tonight 7.30?" He asked looking a little bit anxious.

Sam's eyes widened in surprise. She hadn't expected him to suddenly ask her out like that. But did she want him to? Defiantly. She looked at him for a few moments and only when he began to turn away and say something, did she realise she had stayed quiet to long. "Yes." She blurted out. "I want to have dinner with you tonight." She gave him a small, shy smile which grew as she saw relief flood his eyes and his bright smile that showed off the dimples she loved.

"Great." Martin smiled, "It's a date!" He said happily.

"Hey Marty, hungry?" Danny interrupted with a smirk, startling Sam and Martin.

"Uh, yeah starving" Martin recovered taking the offered sub from Danny as Sam shook her head at them.

"I'm gonna go and fill Viv in on what we know so far." Sam said still feeling flustered by what had just happened.

"She ok?" Danny asked Martin watching Sam walk quickly to Vivian's office.

"I hope so." Martin said with a slight frown, his anxiousness and doubts about asking Sam to dinner returning. Martin glanced down and then back to Danny, "I asked her to dinner tonight. She said yes." He said looking serious.

Danny actually forgot about the sandwich in his hand when he heard that. "You asked her out?" He said putting his lunch down, "And she said yes?" Martin nodded. Danny knew he had interrupted a moment between the two when he entered the office. They had been close together, Sam leaning on Martins desk beside him whilst he was sat in his chair facing her. Their smiles and whole body language screamed closeness and wanting. But he wouldn't have guessed Martin had just asked her out. Danny had to admit to himself that he was glad Martin had. That he was doing something positive about his feelings for Sam. "Sorry I interrupted." Danny studied Martin for a moment, "You nervous about it? You're not regretting asking her are you?" He questioned.

"No, no. Nothing like that" Martin reassured Danny, "I am a little nervous about it but that's normal when you first go out with someone you really like." He smiled but not like it was happy. "I'm just thinking I should have waited until later to ask her. So she doesn't find a way to back out. I know she wants to come, but I know her and I'm worried she's gonna start thinking it's a bad idea and back out." He finished looking sad.

Danny had to smile. Martin was right, Sam was probably already doubting and second guessing herself. Danny grabbed his chair and pulled it over to the conference table as Martin did the same. Danny knew that Martin was also right when he said that Sam wanted to go. Part of him wanted to protect Sam from future possible hurt and talk help her talk herself out of going. On the other hand he wanted them both to be happy and the most likely way for that to happen would be for them to get together again. He took a deep breath, "Want me to talk to her? Make sure she doesn't talk herself out of it?" He asked gently.

Martin looked at him oddly, "I thought you didn't want us together? Now your offering to make sure she doesn't talk herself out of going out with me?"

"I want you both happy. It's not a case of not wanting you guys together, I just don't wanna see her hurt coz of you again. But I also want her happy. And that means making sure she goes on this date with you tonight. So yeah I'll talk to her." Danny said looking serious. Then he smirked "Just take her back to yours f things are gonna go that far coz I don't need to see you in your tighty whities in the morning!"

"Damn, I was really hoping to be able to get you that way. You know its you I really want!" Martin said with a mock frown trying his hardest to keep the smile off his face but failing.

"You know it's just my way to try and keep my hands off you sweetheart!" Danny laughed, "Don't worry about Sam, Marty. I'll make sure she's there tonight."


	24. Chapter 23

Hey Guys, I'm back!

So so so so so sorry this has taken so long. This chapter has acctually been witten for a couple of months but I wasn't happy with it for a while and then I ended up doing at least twice as many days a week at work that I'm meant to and haven't had the time to work on it. However I AM determind to finish this fic. It may just take a while! I am trying though and I will find the time to do this...somehow! Enough babbling, on with the story!

**Chapter 23**

Sam was panicking. Martin was due to pick her up in 15 minuets and she wasn't ready, emotionally or physically. Em was sat on Sam's bed watching her finish applying her make up with amusement.

"Why are you so nervous Sam? This is what you wanted isn't it?" Em asked with a smile.

Sam glanced at Em through the mirror before retuning her focus to her own face. "It is." She said shortly.

"So then why do you look more nervous that happy?" Em asked not understanding.

Sam sighed looking down. She had spent about an hour talking to Danny when she got in, before Em came in, and she had explained all her fears and doubts to him. And Danny in turn had made sure she got over her doubts and was happy to go out with Martin. But now, minuets away from the date, her doubts were returning and she didn't need to go over everything again with Em. Some of the problems were to do with Martin and Sam's relationship first time round and her own problems with being in a serious relationship. Although Em knew quite a bit about their relationship first time around, there were things she didn't know, things she hadn't even told Danny until tonight. Things that would stay between her and Danny.

"It's complicated. I _am_ happy about it" Sam stressed "Its just been a long time since I've done this and its…well it was complicated first time around." She managed to give Em a weak smile, "I'll be fine."

Em felt a little unsure for the first time that evening. She thought it was just nerves nothing other than the usual nerves before a big date. Now she was beginning to suspect it was more than that.

"Knock, knock." Danny said as he tapped on the door and opened it. He stopped and looked at Sam with a smile. "You look fantastic." Sam smiled at him. "Em can you give us a minuet?" He asked softly.

Em looked at him oddly but nodded as she stood. "Sure."

Danny waited until Em closed the door before going and sitting on the end of the bed, nearest Sam. "I'd ask if you were ok except I know it would be stupid."

Sam smiled at that "You know me to well"

"I do." He smirked, "Seriously, remember what I said earlier? I meant it. All of it. Now I know you love him and that you want this to work. So just think about that side of it." He was going to say more but at that moment there was a knock at the door.

"Oh man. I can't believe I'm about to do this again!" Sam said standing up.

"Hey, you'll be fine!" Danny said standing and pulling her to him in a brief hug. Pulling back he gently kissed her on the head. "Go get him tiger!" He smirked pushing her gently towards the door.

Sam smiled at him, took a deep breath and headed for the living area.

---------

For the first few moments when he first saw her stood in the doorway to her bedroom, Martin couldn't form a single coherent thought. He knew he must have looked like an idiot but he didn't care, she looked stunning. Her hair was loose and falling in soft waves over her shoulders and cascading down her back. She wore a long black dress which ended at her ankles. The dress was fitted to show off her curves and then it was loose and flowing from her waist. It had slim straps across her delicate shoulders and she was wearing black strappy shoes to complete the outfit. She had kept her make up simple but what she had done drew Martin's gaze to hers and as their eyes locked, Sam smiled shyly at him and stepped towards him.

Martin forgot for a moment how to breathe. "You look…wow…just, wow!" He breathed as she reached him making her blush, a huge smile spread across his face.

"Thank you." Sam said softly not quite meeting his gaze "You look good too." She added. Martin had worn a black suit with a deep royal blue shirt. He wore it without a tie and with a couple of buttons open. The shirt made his eyes seem a deeper, richer blue than usual and Sam found herself getting lost and drowning in them already leaving her unable to think.

They just stared at each other for a few moments before Martin remembered they had to leave to make their dinner reservations. "You ready to go?" He asked as he broke the moment.

"Uh, yeah, yes I'm ready." Sam babbled trying to regain her composure and figure out how she was going to make it through the night.

Hope you enjoyed that I will try and get more done this weekend but I've got to completely sort the kitchen which could take a while! theres a lot of junk in there! Also please review! It makes my day! Sad but true:)


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

As Martin and Sam were seated at their table Sam smiled softly. It was a nice place, quite modern, but still gave off a cosy vibe. There was soft music playing in the background, the lights were soft so that there were no bare bulbs but you weren't struggling to see, there were also candles on every table and little glass vases with pretty flowers in them. The place was quite small but the tables were well spaced so that you could have a private conversation but not so far apart you felt isolated. Sam was a little surprised Martin knew of it seeing as he hadn't been back in New York long and she had never heard of it.

Sam looked at Martin almost shyly across the candle light watching the light flicker across his features. The cab ride over had been quiet, but pretty comfortable. "This seams like a nice place." She stated breaking the silence, "How do you know about it?" She asked.

"My new place is couple of blocks from here. Someone in the building recommended it to me. I tried it last week and the foods really good" Martin replied smiling.

"Oh that explains why you brought me here, the food's good!" Sam laughed.

"Well of course! Why what other reason would I have for choosing this place?" He laughed going along with her joke. He knew from the cab ride over that she was nervous and trying to make things easier.

Sam laughed again smiling at him before looking away and down at the menu instead. "So what would you recommend then?" She asked keeping the subject away from anything remotely personal. She wanted to be there but she wasn't convinced she was ready for it.

"Um…everything." Martin said looking down at his own menu.

Sam laughed again "You can't have tried everything on the menu" She pointed out.

"No but given what I have tried I'm sure it's all good" He said.

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked.

Martin told him that they weren't yet but ordered wine in the mean time before looking back at his menu. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments deciding what to have before the waiter returned with their wine and took their order.

Sam looked around her trying to find something non personal to talk about. "It's Pretty full in here" She stated, that was a pretty same thing to say.

"Is it?" Martin said glancing around, "I didn't notice. I'm too preoccupied with the beautiful woman in front of me." He said with a soft smile meeting her eyes.

Sam blushed and looked down at her hands in her lap. "Thanks." She breathed. "So how are you settling in to your new place?" She stuttered, trying very hard to ignore the deep, knowing look he gave her. "Have you moved all your stuff in now?"

Martin sighed softly and went with her change of subject. They chatted about it until their food arrived.

"That was pretty quick." Sam said impressed, as the waiter left.

"Yeah they're pretty good about that in here." Martin said before taking a large bite of his meal.

"How many times have you been in here?" Sam asked curious.

"A few." He replied, "Its easier than having to make something at home seeing as tings are still pretty scattered there. Dig in, its good." He said looking at her as yet untouched plate.

Sam did as he asked. "Wow, you're right. This is really is good. You have good taste." She said as she looked at him over the table, looking away quickly when he gave her a look that made the rest of the world fall away. She was really regretting saying yes to coming out with him.

Martin watched the different thoughts flow across her face and sighed again. He didn't want her regretting her decision to come out with him. He really wanted this to work this time. They continued eating in silence for a few minuets but it wasn't comfortable now. There was a tension between them and they both knew what was causing it.

Finally Martin broke the silence, "Why are you regretting coming out with me tonight?" He asked gently, "I thought we were getting closer again, that you wanted this as much as me?"

Sam kept her eyes on her meal refusing to look at him. "Sam, please, talk to me." Martin pushed gently getting more worried.

"What makes you think I'm regretting this?" She asked feigning ignorance but still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Because you are. And I know you, so you can't make me think you are. I want to know why." He said still gentle. He stared at her frowning slightly, he reached out a hand and took her chin gently, but firmly and raised her head to look at him, "Look at me Sammy. Please." He asked. "Talk to me."

Sam looked at him, the hurt in his voice was to much for her. But it was the pain she saw in his eyes that was her undoing. She loved him and she hated knowing that she was the cause of his pain but she was scared. "I'm sorry Martin. I really am. I do want this to work its just," She glanced away again, his hand still on her chin. The sensations it caused her nearly made her just spill everything to him. It was also making it much harder to keep her hands off him!

"Sam?" He asked, trying not to be too pushy and be patient. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off.

Sam glanced at him again. "I," she took a deep breath before continuing "I'm scared. This didn't work first time around. And that was my fault. I didn't know how to let anyone in. I didn't know how to share. I didn't want to let anyone in. I thought I was fine that way. Safer. If I didn't let anyone in I couldn't get hurt. But I was wrong.

"When I was a kid my dad left me and my sister and my mom alone. I was 6 when he left my sister was 9. We didn't have a lot of money when he was around, he wasted anything he had on beer and because of his drinking he couldn't keep a job. He used all the money my mom earned paying for his habit. My mom would get mad at him for it. That sparked him off. He would hit her. He put her in the hospital more times than I can remember. When he finally left I thought things would get better but they didn't.

"We seemed to be even tighter on money. Where we were living was barely more than a trailer. We had nothing. My mom was always out at work, she was never at home. My sister and I did what we could to help but it got harder as time went on. My mom and I would fight and disagree on everything. I dated guys she hated and always brought them home just to piss her off. Every now and then my father would return. He would sleep with my mom again for a while, take any savings he could from her for more beer. He would slap her around as well. When ever he turned up he'd kick me and my sister out until he left so we had to break in to our own home to get what we needed. If we got caught he would hit us to. I wanted out of that life, I wanted away from her. I wanted to piss her off. That's why as soon as I hit 18 I married the guy I was dating."

Sam paused and briefly glanced at Martin, ashamed. It was only when a tear landed on her arm that she realised she was crying. Realising that brought her back to herself further and she realised that Martin had both her hands in his on the table. She quickly pulled her hands away and made to wipe her tears away. Martin grabbed at her hands and stopped her. He gently brushed his thumbs across her cheeks, brushing the tears away himself. Sam froze under his touch. Martin continued to wipe away her tears but his gaze was locked on hers.

"Would you like anything else?" The waiter interrupted ruining the moment. Sam instantly looked down blushing to her hair roots as Martin tried to regain his composure quickly.

"Uh no. No thank you, just the check please." He said. The waiter nodded and moved off to get it for them. Martin waited until he had gone before speaking to Sam. "I really want to continue this. I want to hear what else you were going to say. I'm really glad you're opening up to me. Let's go for a walk ok?" He asked gently.

Sam only nodded, still unable to look at him, still buzzing from the electricity between them. "Ok" She managed, voice barely above a whisper. The waiter returned and Martin paid the bill. Once he had they both stood, still without another word and headed for the door and out in to the night.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

When they hit the street Sam shivered. It had gotten a lot cooler while they had been inside and she didn't have a jacket. Martin noticed and took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Thanks" Sam said slightly breathless, finding it a bit hard to concentrate with him so close. He let his hands linger a little longer then they should have on her shoulders enjoying their close proximity.

"No problem" He breathed voice lower than usual. With their closeness all he wanted to do was kiss her, take away the pain she had shown him. To make her forget. But he pulled his hands away and started off down the street, Sam falling in to step beside him. "There's a little park about a block away. Why don't go there to talk?" He suggested. Sam nodded her agreement and they walked in relative comfort. Martin had a hundred questions running through his head. He wanted to know more about her marriage and about her feelings on them. But he didn't want to push. He had found out more about her in the last hour than the 4 and a half years he had known her before he left. He didn't want to make her close up and shut him out again by asking. He knew that she had to do it in her own time.

Sam was thinking about how to tell him everything else she wanted to say. Like when she had told Danny all about her past, she found it easier to keep going once she had started. But it was still hard for her. She had put it all behind her but it was still painful for her to talk about it. She did want to share with Martin, more than she had even with Danny and he had been there all through her breakdown and depression. He had taken all the crap she had given him without a word and still he helped her. But he wasn't Martin. And it was Martin that Sam wanted to know everything. But the longer they stayed in silence the more she lost her nerve.

"_You're stronger than you think, than you give yourself credit for. Look at everything you have been through. And your still here. You haven't given up completely yet. You love him, you want him to know right? So tell him. You told me. And I'm harder to talk to than he is. If you can't believe in yourself then trust me. I haven't lied to you yet have I? Not about the important stuff. For now just get out there and have a good time. Tell him if you want to, if your not ready then don't, but don't back out because you're not sure if you're ready to tell him. Just talk about other stuff. He'll wait. He'll wait until you're ready. 'Til then, have a good time. Have fun. You'll be fine. I'm serious when I say you're one of the strongest people I know. Sam look at me. I'm proud of you. Really proud. It takes real courage to go through what you have in the past few years and come out a much better and happier person. You are stronger than me. I couldn't have done it. I'm proud of you. You should be proud of yourself to. Really proud. Just remember. If you can't believe in yourself. Believe in what I'm telling you."_

Danny's words from earlier came back to Sam and they made her feel a little better, a little stronger. She looked up and realised they were at the park Martin mentioned. There was a bench a few feet ahead of them and they headed for it and sat down. They sat close together but not touching, like the walk there. Martin looked at her and was slightly surprised to see her looking so calm. He had wondered if in her silence she had changed her mind about continuing from earlier. She smiled softly at him.

"I had been dating this guy for about 6 weeks or so. We both wanted out of our families and to have our own place and thought it would be the easiest way to get that. So we got married. The first two weeks were great. We got this tiny place and we were really happy to be out of our parents places, to be able to do anything and everything we wanted. But then I found out I was pregnant. I was scared but when I told my mom she said that it served me right, that I would end up like her. That, more than anything else I think, made me keep the baby and determined to not end up like her regardless of what she said. When I told Simon, my husband, he was furious; he wanted me to get rid of it as soon as I could. But I didn't want to. That was pretty much the end of us. We stayed together for about 4 and a half months after that. Mostly while the divorce was finalised but we still lived together.

"When I was nearly six months pregnant I woke up and knew something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on what but I just didn't feel at all right. I knew there was something wrong with my baby and I went to the hospital. It turned out that the umbilical cord had ended up in a knot around the baby's neck cutting off the oxygen supply. They had to educe me and make me go through the labour because it was the safest thing for me. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do."

Sam was in tears again. Martin had laid his hand on her thigh and was gently rubbing it but he hadn't moved closer. He was deliberately giving her the space to talk about it. He knew how hard it was to lose a child as well but to get as far as she had and then lose it seemed crueller some how. But all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and take away the pain. To tell her she didn't have to talk about it. But he knew on some level that she needed to, that she needed the space to do so, so he stayed quiet and let her talk.

"After loosing the baby I spent even more time working. I stopped talking to my sister and to my mom. I saved enough up to get me to New York and to get through college. I was determined to make something of myself and not become like my mom. We talked occasionally, like once a year, but that was it. I made it through college and on to the force and eventually the FBI. I never had help from anyone. I didn't want it. Any guy I let get remotely close hurt me so I stopped letting them. I was the one who used them. Never stayed long enough for them to mean anything real to me.

"I thought I was ok. I had work and that was all that mattered. Then Jack happened. We spent so much time together, we got close. We ended up sleeping together. He meant a lot to me. I thought I was falling in love with him. He made me feel special, like nothing else in the world mattered. But then it seemed like Maria found out and that was that. He dropped me like I was nothing. Then when it suited him he tried it on again. And usually got his way. I hated that he could do that to me but he did. It took me over a year to get over him. Then I started to notice you." Sam had stopped crying and for the first time since she started talking she looked at him squarely. She studied his face. The slightly guarded look he wore. Like he wasn't sure she would like what his face showed as she spoke about her and Jack. She didn't blame him.

"You were sweet, funny and kind. You were everything he wasn't. You were the kind of guy I always secretly dreamed of being with but always thought I didn't deserve. Eventually I caved and let myself be with you. And it felt good. Really, really good. Better than anything I'd ever had before but I didn't think I deserved you, I thought work was more important. So that's what I went with. I fell for you harder then I had fallen for anyone before. I fell in love with you and that scared me. Really scared me. So I did what I always did. I pushed you away and focused on work. By the time I realised that I was destroying the best thing that ever happened to me it was too late. You ended it.

"I don't blame you. I think you did the right thing. I was terrible to you. I should have opened up to you then. I wanted to. I really did but I was still too scared. We ended up being friends again and I learnt to live with that. I thought that I deserved it so I put up with it. Then after your addiction I figured anything more would be a bad idea so I still left it.

"Then Jack started to come on to me again. I had just found out you had a new girlfriend and I wanted the comfort so I gave in to him. Then you and I started falling out and I hated it but again I put up with it. His girls were staying with him when everything went crazy again. That's why we weren't sleeping together and how I know it was your baby I lost." Sam took a deep breath and tried not to start crying again. "When you left I couldn't think of being with Jack again. Which is when he came in drunk and ended up fired. Then the accident and everything. But what you don't know about that can wait.

"The point I'm trying to make, in a very long winded way, is that I want to let you in. But I have never been in a committed relationship. I don't know if I can be what you want me to be. I don't know if I can do this whole give and take thing with you. I want this to work so badly. But I can't risk screwing it up again. I would rather just stay friends. I can't lose you completely again." She finished looking at the ground again.

Martin slid closer to her so that they were lightly touching. He took one of her hands in his and used her other hand to tilt her chin up so she was looking at him. "I can't not try this again. Sam I'm proud of you. I know it has taken you more than I can understand to share all of that with me. I am honoured that you can trust me with that after what I did to you. I know you have changed a lot since I left but I hadn't fully realised how much till now. You have a great relationship with Danny now and you're closer to Elena and Viv now to. And you seem pretty close to Rick as well. I think it takes as much effort to make a friendship work as a romantic relationship sometimes. There always just seems to be more pressure with a relationship. But not this time.

"We can take it slow. At your pace. No pressure. I want to get to really know the new Sam, as a friend as well as more, because I think she's a pretty amazing person." Martin gave her a smile that showed his dimples and made his eyes sparkle. Sam felt like that look could melt her. Not much had changed feelings wise between the two. That was clear. "We can start by doing fun stuff. Nothing with pressure. Like friend stuff. Like go out and do stuff or have take out a a film or something. We can do that kinda stuff with the others as well if you want, so you don't feel pressured. I don't care how long it takes or what I have to do Sam. I want you. Plain and simple. Like I said you have a close relationship with Danny and the rest now, way closer than you used to. And that's pretty much what I want. So you do know how to handle it. And if there's a problem we can fix it together. Because that's what couples do. Its what friends do. I know that we can do this together. If it's what you want of course." He finished.

"It is" Sam said still looking in to his eyes. "I like your plan of taking things slow. Maybe you're right. Maybe together we can make this work." She looked down briefly, suddenly shy. "I want to try"

She looked at him again and he gave her another full smile to which she couldn't help but return. Things seemed to be beginning to look up for both of them.


End file.
